Manliness.

Today, I became obsessed with The Art of Manliness. Like, I think I read every single article on dating that they had. And I have to admit, most of what they had to say was very agreeable. On some things I slightly disagreed, but that is from personal opinion.
So I thought I might give you my own pieces of dating advice for a moment before I proceed with my spieling. Oh wait, that is my spieling. Whatever.

Guys-
Ask us on dates. Seriously. Please? Do not even say that you can't date because you don't have money, that is COMPLETE CRAP. I would like to be shown where it is written that dates have to cost money. I have never seen it in my entire twenty years of living, and four and a half years of dating. Are you afraid we'll reject you? I've heard that before, and it's a legitimate concern. Some of you (read: Cupcake Boy) have admittedly asked out girls to either be rejected, or given a 'fake' yes. First of all, girls, what is the deal with that?! Second of all, dude, you are asking out the wrong girls if you are getting rejected. But honestly, if you ask a girl on a date and she says no, what are you out? It's not your problem that she doesn't want to go on ONE FREAKIN' DATE with you. It's hers. Remember that as you hang up the phone feeling discouraged. If she says, "No, I don't want to go on a date with you because you're a total tool and I would rather date my hammer," then you might feel a little discouraged. But chances are, if the girl thinks you're a tool, you're probably telling your pooka-shell wearing buddies about what an idiot she is. Aka, you don't actually realize that she's got you spot on. But I digress.
Ask us out. Do something simple. NEVER, EVER, take us to a movie on a first date. The whole point of a date is to get to know someone new, and unless you booked a private showing of the latest romantic comedy, chances are that conversation in the theater will be next to impossible. Unless, of course, you're a tool, and don't mind being a seriously rude jerk. Dinner is fine, but generally not the best option. Some girls are self-conscious about how they look when they eat, or their eating habits, or [fill in the blank]. Whatever. Don't put her in what could be an uncomfortable position. Go for a bike ride. Go to a museum. Go get cupcakes at The Cocoa Bean. Go play in the park. Go mini golfing. Whatever! Just be creative, but simple. Don't plan something that absolutely must take a certain amount of time, just in case you run out of conversation topics in ten minutes. (Yikes.) At the same time, plan for more time than you might need, in case you two really hit it off and you end up hanging out for eight hours straight. (Yep, been there, done that. Multiple times. Each time I ended up dating the guy, but that's neither here nor there.)
If you had a good time and would like to get to know her better, ask her out again SOON. Don't wait three weeks until you call her and ask her out on another date. She will likely assume you were not interested, and will have either moved on or started moving on from you. I'm not saying ask her out on a second date the moment you drop her off, but PDT (yes, it's okay for the guy to PostDateText!) to gauge interest, and if she responds positively, CALL her the next day and ask her out again. If she says no, bummer. Whatever. I guess things didn't go as well as you thought, but it's not your fault if she's not interested. It isn't anyone's 'fault.' If she says yes, then great! Girls (okay, I) find it super flattering when a guy had such a good time that he wastes no time asking us/me out again. Especially if we/I had a good time as well.
If you had a good time but aren't really interested, still PDT and thank her for a good time. If you feel it is pertinent/necessary, you may tell her that you don't really plan on asking her out again. It may sting a bit, but a lot less than sitting around wondering if/when you're going to ask her out again. (Cupcake Boy much?)
If you had a terrible time, STILL PDT/CALL AND THANK HER FOR GOING OUT WITH YOU. Be a gentleman. Just because you didn't have the time of your life doesn't give you license to be a jerk.
If you keep having a good time, keep asking her on dates. If she's not feeling the same way, she will let you know. If she doesn't, then she's dumb. Watch her to look for signs that she reciprocates your interest. If she breaks the touch barrier often, she likes you. If you catch her looking at you for more than a couple seconds, she likes you. Especially if she either looks away shyly (not awkwardly, so learn the difference) or holds your gaze and smiles. If she smiles at you, and laughs at your jokes, she likes you. Pay attention to body language. There have been times when inside I have been screaming at a guy to just cuddle with me already, but of course I'm not going to say it. If it's the fourth or fifth date, and you're doing something that would allow hand holding/cuddling, BE A MAN AND DO IT. Don't ask if you can hold my hand. That's so lame. There are few things more inner-squeal-and-butterflies inducing than a guy reaching out and taking my hand like he's been doing it for years. Like, seriously. It's romantic. If she pulls away within a matter of seconds/minutes though and doesn't return, she's not comfortable. If she keeps going out with you afterwards, give it a go again LATER. Some girls need time, and/or want to take things slow. (Other girls, however, do not.)
And now we reach the subject of kissing. My theory on kissing (which is very similar, nay, identical, to my theory of saying "I love you" for the first time)- wait until you literally cannot wait any longer. Wait until you cannot bear it. Wait for that moment, and when it comes, take her face in your hands (situation permitting) and just kiss her. Don't instantly try to make out with her-no bueno. Keep it simple, soft, and sweet, with just a little bit of sexy. Chances are, she will melt. Wait a moment to gauge her reaction, then kiss her again. This kiss can be a little bit longer. If she responds positively (which I imagine she will) keep kissing her. But don't smother her. And certainly don't give her everything she wants! (Ha, sorry ladies, but you know you love it.) Leave both her and you wanting more. First kiss should not turn into a makeout session. I've been there, and the kisses that are short drive me crazy. (In a good, "OH MY GOSH I WANT TO KISS HIM MORE" kind of way.) And the truth is, we want YOU to make the move, so you should be the one initiating the first kiss. Same goes with everything, really. We're letting you be a man, so be a man for crying out loud. If she kisses you though, then... Be natural. Respond. Don't get mad that she didn't let you make the move. And if you didn't like it, for heaven's sake, don't keep kissing her.

(This is my friend Amy and her fiance Corbin. Fabulous example of the face-in-hands-kiss. Mmm. Melt.)
As for relationships? Try to steer clear of long and lengthy DTRs. Relationships should happen naturally. BUT, if you kiss her on more than one occasion, do not ask out or kiss any other girls. No exceptions.
First kiss = I like you A LOT, and I want to see if expressing this will make me feel any more powerfully for you.
Second kiss = I don't want anybody but you.
If you want somebody else, or somebodies else, DON'T KISS HER AGAIN. It will suck to kiss and not have it go anywhere, but it will suck significantly less than finding out that you were just kissing her to kiss somebody. That will either break her heart or bring on her wrath, or heaven forbid, both. Another TO-DON'T is, don't kiss her and then drop off the face of the planet because you're too much of a pansy to tell her that you changed your mind and actually aren't interested. That will bring on the same effect as kissing her just to kiss her. It's lame, and tacky, and makes you look like the biggest wuss on the planet.
Past this, I don't have a lot of experience besides breaking up (which I have a LOT of experience with) and I don't want to talk about that.

Gals-
If he asks you out, SAY YES! Jeepers. Unless he's not human, it had to have taken at least a tiny bit of guts to ask you on a date. The least you can do is let him take you out. If you have a boyfriend, or other such things that would prevent you from dating this young man, just tell him POLITELY. Say, "It's so nice of you to ask, and I appreciate it. I would love to go, but I'm actually dating someone." Be nice. Chances are, if he's asking you on a date, he's at least a LITTLE BIT interested in you, and hearing that you're spoken for will be a little on the disappointing side. Imagine what you'd like to hear if the situations were reversed. HOWEVER, don't lie and use this as an excuse not to go out with him - TACKY. Plus, you never know, he might be roommates with that super hot guy from your Music class that you've been dying to be asked out by...
Be open-minded. Be relaxed. Let him be a gentleman. If he doesn't open your door for you, don't stand by the door and clear your throat loudly to remind him. Don't be a jerk. If he doesn't open your door but everything else goes well and he asks you out again, you could politely mention that it would be nice if he would open your door for you. Be nice. Even if he's a jerk, still be nice. He asked you out, and he's probably spending money on you. The least you can do is be civil.
If you had a good time, wait a little bit to PDT. Then thank him for a nice/good/lovely/great/fantastic time. Don't say "we should do it again." Let him be a man and ask you out again! I mean, if you want to ask him out, go for it. Whatevs. But my experience has been that it is always more exciting when you let him come to you. Show enough interest that he WILL ask you out, but not so much that you overwhelm him. You don't want to seem desperate or too interested.
If he asks you out again and you don't want to go, be polite, but honest. Tell him that you had a great time but don't think you have a lot in common, or whatever. I don't care what the reason is, but be honest (without being a beeyotch!) and up front. It may sting a bit, but he'll be better off. Don't give him pity.
Here the line gets a little fuzzy. Perhaps because I'm going on a mission and want to make sure that if I DO date before I leave, he's serious about me; perhaps because I'm tired of being the only one making any moves; perhaps it's because I want my life to be more like a Jane Austen novel, but I want the guy making the moves. It has been completely killing me not to text Mr. Butler in the morning and say "Hey you, good morning!" or whatever. But when he texts me first, AHHH IT IS GLORIOUS. It was excruciating not to add him on Facebook. But when he added me the morning after our first date, AHH IT WAS GLORIOUS. Yeah. So, if you wanna make the moves, go for it. As for me, I'm letting him be the man and do his job. If you want him to hold your hand/cuddle with you/kiss you, though, don't be completely cold and unfeeling. Let me tell you right now, if he's not picking up good vibrations, T'AINT GON' HAPPEN, GURL. Make yourself open and available, and be flirtatious. Show interest. Touch elbows. [Side note for Anti-Austen lovers: I really miss The Romantic.] Be available.
If he kisses you on more than one occasion, HOPE that he's not kissing other girls, but don't assume. (We all know what happens when you assume...) Try not to DTR unless you feel it's necessary. It should be natural, and obvious. Whatever. If you like titles, then whatever. Bring it up casually, but don't pressure him into admitting that he'd like to be your boyfriend. (Personally, I hate the word 'boyfriend.' Please don't ask me why, I honestly don't understand it myself. I can't figure out if it feels juvenile to me or what...)

Overall, guys be gentlemen, gals be ladies, and let things be natural. These things, honest to goodness, are supposed to happen, and they shouldn't have to be forced. They should flow. They should just happen. Unless of course you discover that one or the other is a tool/player/beeyotch. Then... you might want to not just 'let that happen.' Use your brain, and your heart. Together. And try to keep them at least a little bit equal.

ANYWAY, to end this freaking novel of a post (I'm sorry, I enjoyed it) I will say that today was decent. Bonded with my new roommate over choral geeky-ness (hurray!), found my Foo Fighters ticket (answered prayer, such a great little reminder that the Lord really does care), and made plans to watch Avatar with Mr. Butler on Wednesday. I don't think it's a date, and I really wanted to see him again sooner, but Monday is FHE and Tuesday is FOO, so it was the soonest it could happen.
I do REALLY want to go on another date with this boy. And another. And maybe another...