Beliefs.

So, I know you're all desperately waiting for a Skyrim post, but I've only played 12 hours of it (I know, what is WRONG with me?!) and I want to do it proper justice, so y'all will just have to wait. I'm actually pretty proud of myself for not giving my life completely to Skyrim, although I will admit that has way more to do with the Quidditch World Cup and Chris than it does with school.

Speaking of Chris... 26 hours until I see him again!!! Ahhhhhh I'm so excited. I'm picking him up from the airport (that had actually been the original plan, Thursday just got added on because we were dying to see each other and I'M SO GLAD WE ADDED IT!) and I'm just too dang excited to contain myself. Chris after 5 days + BYU basketball after 8 months = super fab day.

Finally went grocery shopping today. I have this pathological hatred of grocery shopping alone. I don't really understand it, it's completely illogical, but when I go to the grocery store alone, I immediately become super irritated and cranky. Stupid. Add one person into the mix though, and I'm perfectly complacent. It's so odd. But I've been eeking out an existence on... nothing... for days now, so it was good to have an actual dinner again tonight that didn't come from O&W's. I had salad, mmmmmmm so delicious.

Today Chris was like, "Man, I really wish you were here. We're just wandering around New York and I miss you like crazy." For one, awwww, for two, ME TOO. I would love to go to New York with the guy I love (not saying I love Chris! Yet...) and just walk around, holding hands, talking and taking in the sights and sounds of the big city. So next year, World Cup, it's finally going to happen. I've already started saving. Not a whole lot yet though, I need to pay off my tuition stuff first.

"I thought you were going on a mission." I've heard that a couple of times lately, mostly in response to my talking about my plans with regard to Quidditch. I haven't decided. I have been thinking A LOT about some valid points that my mother has brought up, and admittedly Chris's arrival in my life has a small part to play as well. Not that I'm saying I'm going to marry Chris instead of going on a mission, but if I go on a mission, he's not going to 'wait.' Which is fine, I wouldn't blame him. But if we dated up until I left, and then he married somebody else while I was gone...? That would be really difficult for me. I'm not even saying I've thought about marrying him, but it's something I could see developing eventually. And let's be honest, you and I both know that I prefer marriage (or even just committed relationship!) to 18 months of not even TOUCHING guys.

Plus, some of the returned missionary girls I know are uptight and hyper-righteous. The idea of me being that person scares me. There's nothing wrong with being hyper-righteous! I've just never been that girl, and I don't really want to be. The holier-than-thou mentality really bothers me. I've always been laid back when it comes to Church, in the sense that I haven't ever been the type to shove my religion down other people's throats. Growing up from pre-school to fourth grade my best friend was DEVOUT Catholic. In retrospect it wasn't really that long, but we were INSEPARABLE. We did everything together, and we played together probably every day. We kind of drifted apart when she started getting more into soccer and such (she ended up played at Louisiana Tech for a while, it was a huge part of her life) but those years were crucial for my development as a 'cool Mormon'. Honestly, whenever my non-member friends would say that to me, I would swell with this immeasurable pride. To this day I still strive to be a 'cool Mormon', even though it's admittedly a lot tougher since I go to freakin' BYU and I'm constantly surrounded by them.

I realize the Gospel is a big deal, and not something to be taken lightly. I don't take it lightly! I just feel like living the Gospel in the way that seems to be interpreted by some RMs as the 'right' way isn't necessarily correct, and it's certainly not my way. I want there to be an obvious difference between me and your average Christmas-Mass-attending-Jill, but I don't want it to be obnoxiously apparent to everyone on the planet that I'm LDS. Call it the glow, call it having the light of Christ in your eyes, whatever. I want there to be that difference, but not something that is overbearingly blatant. My degree from BYU is one thing that I hope will help set me apart as a Latter-Day Saint, but mostly I will end up living my religion quietly. To me, truly living the Gospel isn't being judgmental or putting myself above others because they don't share my views. One of my greatest and truest friends, Timber, is atheist. He knows my personal views and values, and respects me for sticking to them. But I've been to parties with him where people have been drinking, and people have even told him that I 'seemed really cool, she's actually Mormon?' I would wager that pretty much my only complaint about this wonderful state we live in is the mentality of Utah Mormons. Granted, not all Mormons who live in/are from Utah are Utah Mormons, but you know the mentality. And it bothers me.

Oh well, it's not really my problem anyway. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I haven't decided either way on the mission yet, but serving a mission might not be the best way for me to share what I believe. I'll keep you posted.