Ra-DIK-uh-lus.

Okay. Here's the deal.

You know how I said I don't get asked on dates? Well, it's total bull.

I've had at least one date every week since moving back to Provo.

I think the reason I felt like I didn't, was because I'm used to being the girlfriend. I'm a girlfriend girl. I kind of always have been. I like having a boyfriend. I like the stability and the consistency of being a girlfriend. In the past four and a half years of my life, I think I've been a girlfriend more than I haven't. I'll have to think more in depth about that to find out for sure, but I'll get back to you.

Anyway, going from being a girlfriend to... nothing... at Aspen Grove- weird. And definitely made me feel like I NEVER go on dates. Because all summer, I didn't.

What I'm saying is, I'm not complaining. I am thoroughly enjoying! ("Chet's arguing! I'm enjoying!")

The only complaint I am having, is that I seem to be going on an endless stream of first dates, to have the guys vanish off my radar... I call it the "Vanishing Problem." I get asked on a first date, have a great time, and think/hear/am told that the guy had a great time too. Eagerly, I await the second date call. And it never comes. (Okay, never say never, Justin Bieber, Miss Frizzle, etc, but seriously.) Examples? Cupcake Boy. Mr. Butler. Air Force Cadet. TECHNICALLY, David. We never went on a second 'date.' Oh wait, yeah we did. After we broke up.

Wait, I lied. I have another complaint. The guys who DO call/ask for a second date... not really feelin' it. (Not that I'm saying I AM feeling it with the other guys, or that I didn't have a great time with them... digging hole...) I mean, I'm perfectly willing to go on another date with them, but I generally don't see things going anywhere, for one reason or another.

For example - How I Met Your Mother. Such a great guy. I had so much fun. Just not really feeling it. It's honestly nothing against him, because we're friends. I'm not going to say "he's not my type," but he's not really the rock climbing, horseback riding, Grand Slam-ing type. And let's face it, I need to have a husband who can keep up with all of my crazy-ness.

Example number two- So much more complicated. Ugh, so much more complicated.

Friday night, blind date with Air Force Cadet #2. I have no idea what else to call him. Fuji Bike Man? I don't know. Anyway, such a great date. We went to HumorU and then Costa Vida. He is a great guy, and I had a really good time. We're going for a bike ride today, and going out again this coming Friday. Wait, what's the problem? He's a solid three inches shorter than me. :( I am so angry with the universe right now, I could throw rocks at it.

A few people have told me that height isn't/shouldn't be a big deal. I know it isn't for some girls. I'm not one of those girls. I wish I could shrug my shoulders and say, "Hey, I'll get over it." But I can't. I've kissed guys that are shorter than me, and it's so weird. Like I said, I'm not one of those girls who's chill with it. I thoroughly enjoy wearing heels. I thoroughly enjoy looking up into my boyfriend's face when we hug. Same height.... iffy. But shorter? It just... it's weird to me.

I WISH IT WEREN'T. Because, if I'm being honest, I like this kid. As much as one can after one date. It's so frustrating. I want to just shrug it off and see where it goes.

So here's my plan, and he's aware of this. It might make me a selfish bitch, but... I'm going to wait until either the liking him or the height thing overtakes the other. It may seem terrible, and the friend who set us up thinks I'm ridiculous, but it's just... important to me. The good thing is, he was aware of this before asking me on dates two and three. Because let's be honest, this bike ride is a date.

Another thing, I've been told not to give up on Mr. Butler.

Part of me kind of wishes I could give up dating until my mission... and relationship wise, I probably have.

Sigh.

Ghosts.

Ghosts N Stuff. Deadmau5. Featuring Rob Swire from Pendulum. You remember how I feel about Pendulum.

I have listened to this song so freaking many times in the past few days since I bought it, it's a little crazy. I think I'm addicted.

SO ANYWAY!

FOO FIGHTERS!
So freaking incredible. Like... oh my freakin' gosh. I wanted to melt into a puddle in my shoes the entire time. Dave Grohl is SO GORGEOUS. Like.... oh my gosh. I would adopt polygamy for that man. He is so gorgeous. And so great on stage. And such a great singer. Oh my gosh. I know he's like, 40 (he's forty two actually, what a great age!) but he is drop dead sexy. I wanted to freakin' die.
Celebrity crush?
Ummmmmm.... very yes.
Anyway, the concert was fabulous. They are great live, super fun, entertaining, and super talented. It was the most fun I've had in a long time. Even though the people all around me were SITTING (at a GOSH DANG ROCK CONCERT, FOR SHAME) and I was all alone standing/dancing. Tad awkward, since I know that tons of people were staring at me. What gives though? I paid a pretty good chunk of money for that ticket, and I was not going to sit on my butt. I wish I could've gone to it twice for the price of one- once to watch, and dream over Dave, and once to dance around like a crazy fool and sing along at the top of my lungs. Because as fun as head-banging is, it is not terribly conducive to gazing lovingly at the lead singer. Don't say he's old enough to be my father, I know. But he's SO FRICKIN SEXYYYYYYYYYYYYY. Ay ay ay.

Anyway, that was a blast. Highlight of the week FO SHO.

Un-highlight of the week?
Mr. Butler postponing Avatar until tomorrow for a prior commitment he'd forgotten he'd made. Grrrr. Not that I'm saying that I'm losing interest, but... I kind of am. I know, it hasn't even been a week since our first date, but I'm used to things happening by this point. Or at least, the guy showing more interest than blowing off Avatar. At least he postponed it and didn't say "Hey, I can't watch Avatar with you tonight, sorry." I'm trying to remember that as a positive.

Another (smaller) highlight of the week though-
I'm going on an un-date with the Air Force Cadet!!! OMG! Okay, I actually don't think I've talked about him. He's this super attractive guy from one of my classes. I think he might just have one of the sexiest voices I have EVER heard. I'm not gonna lie, I'm really stoked to spend some time with him, so I can listen to him talk. I'm just going to ask him lots of long-answer questions. Seriously, his voice is SUPER deep, and I think deep voices are wicked sexy. AHHHH I gotta stop thinking about how sexy his voice is. Okay. Anyway, so for this class we're supposed to go out and do stuff. If I go into to much detail... yeah. In another post. One of the things we can do is this zipline up Provo Canyon. I've been wanting to do it for awhile, but it's one of those things I'm hesitant to do alone, because some things are lame when you're alone. So today Air Force and I were sitting there before class (I was SO smooth in sitting next to his stuff before he got back - he has a super recognizable laptop) talking about what we were gonna do. He said he was doing the zipline on Friday, and I said, "I think that looks so cool, I want to go do it sometime." He then proceeded to say that he was going to take his friend, but she ended up not being able to go. Long pause, during which I'm sitting there thinking 'Oh please oh please oh please ask me to go oh please oh please-' "Would you want to go?" Um, YES PLEASE. "Yeah, that would be sweet!" "Okay, cool. I don't have a car though..." "That's okay, I don't mind driving." (Which is true. Also it will mean he can see what a bamf I am for driving such a frickin' sweet car.) He then proceeded to ask me for my number (YESSSSSSSS) and then after I bribed him with the free M&Ms I scored from the vending machine, he sat by me in class. And then lent me his notes from last class, because I blanked on taking notes. THAT was totally him, and totally nice. He seems like a super nice guy, and I'm admittedly super intrigued about him, sexy voice aside.

Another (smaller) highlight of the week-
Getting to drive the MASSIVE Outdoors Unlimited truck today. I felt so freakin' tight driving that thing. It's BIG. And I have to say, I really love my boss. He kind of intimidates the crap out of me, but under his gruff and sarcastic exterior is one of the best men I have ever met. I'm talking humming along to "Just Fishin'" by Trace Adkins. And being a SUPER good guy. I just love him so much. He got us tons of crazy bread and pizza for the staff meeting tonight. I don't think I've ever eaten that much crazy bread in my life. Thanks G.

Since I should probably go work on homework, I'll just leave you with one of my all-time favorite Foo songs that they didn't play at the show (it's not much of a 'HUGE CONCERT' number). Enjoy. But REALLY LISTEN - the guitar harmonies are gorgeous.

myITlab.

GRRRRRRR I hate myITlab. It's so dumb. It just makes me hate this stupid class more than anything else on the planet.
GRRRR.

Okay. I'm okay.

Today was decent. I texted Mr. Butler (against my better judgment) and all I got back were like, two responses. So, that was a little lame. I'm not going to freak out about it or anything yet, because that's a tad ridiculous. However, it was a little unusual. Okay, not all that unusual. He didn't text me at all on Saturday. But it's really making me feel like I need to stick to my guns more than ever on this one. Let him be the man, and all that jazzy fizzle.

Honestly though, it's so frustrating. When it doesn't involve me, I feel like I totally have guys figured out. But as soon as you throw my being interested into the mix, you throw my powers of discernment out the window. So I've come to the conclusion that INTEREST CLOUDS JUDGMENT. And therefore, I will not make any judgment. At all. I will show interest, but I refuse to think about him all the time.





Yeah... that's not really working.

Manliness.

Today, I became obsessed with The Art of Manliness. Like, I think I read every single article on dating that they had. And I have to admit, most of what they had to say was very agreeable. On some things I slightly disagreed, but that is from personal opinion.
So I thought I might give you my own pieces of dating advice for a moment before I proceed with my spieling. Oh wait, that is my spieling. Whatever.

Guys-
Ask us on dates. Seriously. Please? Do not even say that you can't date because you don't have money, that is COMPLETE CRAP. I would like to be shown where it is written that dates have to cost money. I have never seen it in my entire twenty years of living, and four and a half years of dating. Are you afraid we'll reject you? I've heard that before, and it's a legitimate concern. Some of you (read: Cupcake Boy) have admittedly asked out girls to either be rejected, or given a 'fake' yes. First of all, girls, what is the deal with that?! Second of all, dude, you are asking out the wrong girls if you are getting rejected. But honestly, if you ask a girl on a date and she says no, what are you out? It's not your problem that she doesn't want to go on ONE FREAKIN' DATE with you. It's hers. Remember that as you hang up the phone feeling discouraged. If she says, "No, I don't want to go on a date with you because you're a total tool and I would rather date my hammer," then you might feel a little discouraged. But chances are, if the girl thinks you're a tool, you're probably telling your pooka-shell wearing buddies about what an idiot she is. Aka, you don't actually realize that she's got you spot on. But I digress.
Ask us out. Do something simple. NEVER, EVER, take us to a movie on a first date. The whole point of a date is to get to know someone new, and unless you booked a private showing of the latest romantic comedy, chances are that conversation in the theater will be next to impossible. Unless, of course, you're a tool, and don't mind being a seriously rude jerk. Dinner is fine, but generally not the best option. Some girls are self-conscious about how they look when they eat, or their eating habits, or [fill in the blank]. Whatever. Don't put her in what could be an uncomfortable position. Go for a bike ride. Go to a museum. Go get cupcakes at The Cocoa Bean. Go play in the park. Go mini golfing. Whatever! Just be creative, but simple. Don't plan something that absolutely must take a certain amount of time, just in case you run out of conversation topics in ten minutes. (Yikes.) At the same time, plan for more time than you might need, in case you two really hit it off and you end up hanging out for eight hours straight. (Yep, been there, done that. Multiple times. Each time I ended up dating the guy, but that's neither here nor there.)
If you had a good time and would like to get to know her better, ask her out again SOON. Don't wait three weeks until you call her and ask her out on another date. She will likely assume you were not interested, and will have either moved on or started moving on from you. I'm not saying ask her out on a second date the moment you drop her off, but PDT (yes, it's okay for the guy to PostDateText!) to gauge interest, and if she responds positively, CALL her the next day and ask her out again. If she says no, bummer. Whatever. I guess things didn't go as well as you thought, but it's not your fault if she's not interested. It isn't anyone's 'fault.' If she says yes, then great! Girls (okay, I) find it super flattering when a guy had such a good time that he wastes no time asking us/me out again. Especially if we/I had a good time as well.
If you had a good time but aren't really interested, still PDT and thank her for a good time. If you feel it is pertinent/necessary, you may tell her that you don't really plan on asking her out again. It may sting a bit, but a lot less than sitting around wondering if/when you're going to ask her out again. (Cupcake Boy much?)
If you had a terrible time, STILL PDT/CALL AND THANK HER FOR GOING OUT WITH YOU. Be a gentleman. Just because you didn't have the time of your life doesn't give you license to be a jerk.
If you keep having a good time, keep asking her on dates. If she's not feeling the same way, she will let you know. If she doesn't, then she's dumb. Watch her to look for signs that she reciprocates your interest. If she breaks the touch barrier often, she likes you. If you catch her looking at you for more than a couple seconds, she likes you. Especially if she either looks away shyly (not awkwardly, so learn the difference) or holds your gaze and smiles. If she smiles at you, and laughs at your jokes, she likes you. Pay attention to body language. There have been times when inside I have been screaming at a guy to just cuddle with me already, but of course I'm not going to say it. If it's the fourth or fifth date, and you're doing something that would allow hand holding/cuddling, BE A MAN AND DO IT. Don't ask if you can hold my hand. That's so lame. There are few things more inner-squeal-and-butterflies inducing than a guy reaching out and taking my hand like he's been doing it for years. Like, seriously. It's romantic. If she pulls away within a matter of seconds/minutes though and doesn't return, she's not comfortable. If she keeps going out with you afterwards, give it a go again LATER. Some girls need time, and/or want to take things slow. (Other girls, however, do not.)
And now we reach the subject of kissing. My theory on kissing (which is very similar, nay, identical, to my theory of saying "I love you" for the first time)- wait until you literally cannot wait any longer. Wait until you cannot bear it. Wait for that moment, and when it comes, take her face in your hands (situation permitting) and just kiss her. Don't instantly try to make out with her-no bueno. Keep it simple, soft, and sweet, with just a little bit of sexy. Chances are, she will melt. Wait a moment to gauge her reaction, then kiss her again. This kiss can be a little bit longer. If she responds positively (which I imagine she will) keep kissing her. But don't smother her. And certainly don't give her everything she wants! (Ha, sorry ladies, but you know you love it.) Leave both her and you wanting more. First kiss should not turn into a makeout session. I've been there, and the kisses that are short drive me crazy. (In a good, "OH MY GOSH I WANT TO KISS HIM MORE" kind of way.) And the truth is, we want YOU to make the move, so you should be the one initiating the first kiss. Same goes with everything, really. We're letting you be a man, so be a man for crying out loud. If she kisses you though, then... Be natural. Respond. Don't get mad that she didn't let you make the move. And if you didn't like it, for heaven's sake, don't keep kissing her.

(This is my friend Amy and her fiance Corbin. Fabulous example of the face-in-hands-kiss. Mmm. Melt.)
As for relationships? Try to steer clear of long and lengthy DTRs. Relationships should happen naturally. BUT, if you kiss her on more than one occasion, do not ask out or kiss any other girls. No exceptions.
First kiss = I like you A LOT, and I want to see if expressing this will make me feel any more powerfully for you.
Second kiss = I don't want anybody but you.
If you want somebody else, or somebodies else, DON'T KISS HER AGAIN. It will suck to kiss and not have it go anywhere, but it will suck significantly less than finding out that you were just kissing her to kiss somebody. That will either break her heart or bring on her wrath, or heaven forbid, both. Another TO-DON'T is, don't kiss her and then drop off the face of the planet because you're too much of a pansy to tell her that you changed your mind and actually aren't interested. That will bring on the same effect as kissing her just to kiss her. It's lame, and tacky, and makes you look like the biggest wuss on the planet.
Past this, I don't have a lot of experience besides breaking up (which I have a LOT of experience with) and I don't want to talk about that.

Gals-
If he asks you out, SAY YES! Jeepers. Unless he's not human, it had to have taken at least a tiny bit of guts to ask you on a date. The least you can do is let him take you out. If you have a boyfriend, or other such things that would prevent you from dating this young man, just tell him POLITELY. Say, "It's so nice of you to ask, and I appreciate it. I would love to go, but I'm actually dating someone." Be nice. Chances are, if he's asking you on a date, he's at least a LITTLE BIT interested in you, and hearing that you're spoken for will be a little on the disappointing side. Imagine what you'd like to hear if the situations were reversed. HOWEVER, don't lie and use this as an excuse not to go out with him - TACKY. Plus, you never know, he might be roommates with that super hot guy from your Music class that you've been dying to be asked out by...
Be open-minded. Be relaxed. Let him be a gentleman. If he doesn't open your door for you, don't stand by the door and clear your throat loudly to remind him. Don't be a jerk. If he doesn't open your door but everything else goes well and he asks you out again, you could politely mention that it would be nice if he would open your door for you. Be nice. Even if he's a jerk, still be nice. He asked you out, and he's probably spending money on you. The least you can do is be civil.
If you had a good time, wait a little bit to PDT. Then thank him for a nice/good/lovely/great/fantastic time. Don't say "we should do it again." Let him be a man and ask you out again! I mean, if you want to ask him out, go for it. Whatevs. But my experience has been that it is always more exciting when you let him come to you. Show enough interest that he WILL ask you out, but not so much that you overwhelm him. You don't want to seem desperate or too interested.
If he asks you out again and you don't want to go, be polite, but honest. Tell him that you had a great time but don't think you have a lot in common, or whatever. I don't care what the reason is, but be honest (without being a beeyotch!) and up front. It may sting a bit, but he'll be better off. Don't give him pity.
Here the line gets a little fuzzy. Perhaps because I'm going on a mission and want to make sure that if I DO date before I leave, he's serious about me; perhaps because I'm tired of being the only one making any moves; perhaps it's because I want my life to be more like a Jane Austen novel, but I want the guy making the moves. It has been completely killing me not to text Mr. Butler in the morning and say "Hey you, good morning!" or whatever. But when he texts me first, AHHH IT IS GLORIOUS. It was excruciating not to add him on Facebook. But when he added me the morning after our first date, AHH IT WAS GLORIOUS. Yeah. So, if you wanna make the moves, go for it. As for me, I'm letting him be the man and do his job. If you want him to hold your hand/cuddle with you/kiss you, though, don't be completely cold and unfeeling. Let me tell you right now, if he's not picking up good vibrations, T'AINT GON' HAPPEN, GURL. Make yourself open and available, and be flirtatious. Show interest. Touch elbows. [Side note for Anti-Austen lovers: I really miss The Romantic.] Be available.
If he kisses you on more than one occasion, HOPE that he's not kissing other girls, but don't assume. (We all know what happens when you assume...) Try not to DTR unless you feel it's necessary. It should be natural, and obvious. Whatever. If you like titles, then whatever. Bring it up casually, but don't pressure him into admitting that he'd like to be your boyfriend. (Personally, I hate the word 'boyfriend.' Please don't ask me why, I honestly don't understand it myself. I can't figure out if it feels juvenile to me or what...)

Overall, guys be gentlemen, gals be ladies, and let things be natural. These things, honest to goodness, are supposed to happen, and they shouldn't have to be forced. They should flow. They should just happen. Unless of course you discover that one or the other is a tool/player/beeyotch. Then... you might want to not just 'let that happen.' Use your brain, and your heart. Together. And try to keep them at least a little bit equal.

ANYWAY, to end this freaking novel of a post (I'm sorry, I enjoyed it) I will say that today was decent. Bonded with my new roommate over choral geeky-ness (hurray!), found my Foo Fighters ticket (answered prayer, such a great little reminder that the Lord really does care), and made plans to watch Avatar with Mr. Butler on Wednesday. I don't think it's a date, and I really wanted to see him again sooner, but Monday is FHE and Tuesday is FOO, so it was the soonest it could happen.
I do REALLY want to go on another date with this boy. And another. And maybe another...

Golf.

It's just BARELY Friday, and I just HAD to post.
So, tonight was my date with Mr. Butler. His original plan had been to paint rocks with glow sticks and then go skip them. Which actually sounds like a really cool idea, but remember how it SNOWED? Yeah, outside activities not really the best idea. Anyway, he texted me earlier in the day to ask if indoor miniature golfing was okay, and of course I said yes. It's been like, forever since I've been mini golfing. But that's not why I said yes. I said yes because this guy is cute, AND he asked me on a real date.
Okay, I digress. So at 8:30 he comes to pick me up, and of course I make a mental note of his height. I would put him at about 6'1". Score number one. I also notice that he's a LOT cuter in real life than he is on Facebook. Score number two. We walk to his super nice car (fairly new Saab) and he opens my door. Score number three. I mean, it's not the most important thing on the planet, but when a guy doesn't open my car door on a date, I take note. Frankly, I think it's kind of tacky when he doesn't. It's not THAT much effort, and it means a lot to girls, and gets serious gentleman points. I'm not really a fan of them opening my door when I get out, because then I have to wait for them to get around the car to open my door. But getting in? It's not necessary, but it's an extremely good gesture. And gets some serious bonus points.
ANYWAY, so we get to Trafalga, and start to bust out the mini golf. First hole he says, "All right, show me how it's done." So what do I do? Putt a hole in one. Yeah, great, set the bar nice and high. The golfing went downhill from there, but it's okay, because the conversation was great. The theme of the mini golf place was ocean-y, and there was this one dolphin-alligator-shark creature, and I said something about Avatar. Slight pause... "That's like, my favorite show ever." My jaw nearly dropped on the floor. Super cute guy who not only caught my kind of obscure Avatar reference, but openly admits that he loves the show, and then says his favorite character is Zuko (just like me)?!!! Oh my gosh. I'm in trouble.
After I finish kicking his butt at golf (ha, jk, we both sucked pretty bad) we decided to go get hot chocolate. Which ended up being us making hot chocolate at my apartment. Of course, that might have been my suggestion so that I could lasso him into watching Avatar with me (I know, shameless). Eventually we did end up watching The Great Divide, lamest episode ever, but it was entertaining. Of course.
Then came the end of the date (he initiated the hug, hurray!) and me telling him I had a great time, both in person and over PDT. And the best part? He responded to PDT very positively, and is still texting me.
Second date? I don't know. But he smiled a lot tonight. Heck, I smiled a lot tonight.
I think that's probably a good thing.

Smashed.

My leg.

By my TV.

No, seriously. I turned my back on it and it POUNCED. Like a tiger.
And it totally creamed my leg.

This picture does the bruise NO JUSTICE, in addition to making my totally not fat leg look fat.

Anyway, my leg hurts, and the pouncing tiger is dead. Kind of. It clicks a lot when you try to turn it on, and that's all that happens.

BUT!

My roommates are freakin' awesome.

You are looking at 32 inches of beautiful, baby. I love you guys.

So, anyway, on another kind of not-so-happy-but-has-a-happy-ending note, my computer is almost dead. I am blaming myITlab. You suck, iSys. You really suck. Seriously, you suck the life out of everything. Me, my beloved Dell... So anyway, because I'd really rather not have my computer die on me when I'm smack dab in the middle of a COMPUTER class, and then have to replace it in a panic and write frantic emails to my professor about how my computer died and oh my gosh, please give me some time to turn stuff in! Does that sound fun to you? Yeah, me neither. 

After several days (intense days, mind you) of research, I found THE PERFECT COMPUTER. To sum up- Toshiba, 17 inch screen, full number keypad (oh, how that will make my Excel class SO MUCH BETTER!) included on my BACKLIT keyboard (HUZZAH!), 6gb ram, 640gig hard drive, NVIDIA GeForce graphics... I could go on, but I might start drooling. With some .edu email address awesomeness, I got a good deal on it, WITH Office 2010. Yeah. Office 2010 is like 200 bucks. Yeah. Don't even think about questioning my awesomeness. HA.

Oh, and remember how I was stressed about Skyrim? Yeah, this computer is going to kick Skyrim's scaly dragon tail. Ya wanna know the best part? Toshiba laptop + HDMI cable + HDTV = 32 INCHES OF SKYRIM AWESOMENESS. (Again, best roommates ever.)

On another note, got asked on a date by Mr. Butler. Yeah, he's in my ward. Yeah, he's my home teachers' roommate. Yeah, they promised me they'd find some guys to date me. Yeah, I'm ridiculous.

But seriously, I want to do stuff and meet people and I totally admit I don't like asking guys out. Today at work Mr. Lindy Hop, How I Met Your Mother, and umm.... my other coworker (code name TBD) were talking about dating, and marriage, and my mission, and I realized that part of my reason for wanting to date a lot of different guys is so that I don't find 'the one.' Because the idea of finding 'the one' (okay, there's no such thing as 'the one' but I have nothing else to call him right now) before my mission freaks me out. I am not ready to be married. I want to be ready, oh my gosh I want to be ready, but I'm not mature enough. I'm NOT one of those girls who's going on a mission to postpone marriage, but one of my more selfish reasons for wanting to go is so I can GROW THE HECK UP. It's a bigger reason than I'd like to admit, but the more important reasons are the real reasons. 

Growing up is just a bonus.

36 days.