Push & Pull.
I'm stuck in the middle and I'm not really sure if either is happening to me at the moment.
I have a sort of love-hate relationship with my life right now. I do very little, and I both hate and love that I do very little. When I sit around playing video games, sometimes I think, "man, this is nice" and other times I think, "why am I wasting my time on video games?" When I don't work and sleep until one in the afternoon I wake up and sometimes think, "I love sleeping in!" but other times I think, "well there's half the day gone, now what?" I'll be up for less than eight hours of daylight, and even when I am up for those hours, I usually spend them inside, with the blinds drawn to keep the sun from warming up the place.
I'm in this weird place that I don't want to be in, but I don't want to get out of either. Life continues on around me and I just watch it. Sometimes I step in for a moment and I enjoy it, but I know it's not going to last and that spoils it. Often times it tires me out and I retreat to my sedentary lifestyle.
What am I doing? And why? And how do I get out?
If not for Chris and Quidditch, I don't think I'd ever do anything. Thank the heavens for them both.
Showing posts with label Money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Money. Show all posts
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Spewage.
Okay y'all, I realize that I have been failing dismally at my New Year's resolution to blog every day. Whups. But hey, in my defense, I have been spending 99% of my time at work, school, or with Chris. So. Yeah. Oh wait, gotta put IQA West in there. LOL.
So, a few blog-worthy things have happened, which each honestly deserve their own post, but, whatever. Here we go.
1. My beloved car is broken. STILL. I took it to the shop a week ago to get the 4WD looked at, and there were a bunch of things wrong. Crack in the radiator, some plug had fallen out and coolant was leaking into my engine, yada yada yada. So, got that all fixed (for almost 2500 bucks, my dad was a little less than thrilled) and picked it up last night at about 5 ish. Thrilled to death to have my baby back. Driving to work (with three of my coworkers), just as we are about to drive into the canyon, something happens, there is a huge grinding/cranking sound, and something definitely goes wrong. Engine smoking and everything. Wahoo. So I call Steve's (bless his heart, the man is a freaking SAINT) and he sends out a tow, we call Sundance and one of the yurt people comes and gets us. I wait on the diagnosis all day, and finally get the call as I am about to get off the lift for my last run of the day. And what do I hear? My front differential is shattered. SHATTERED. You might as well have told me that one of my best friends got in a bad car accident for the effect it had on me. My dad will definitely not be thrilled about this, even though it's totally not my fault. These things do happen. It's repairable (thank Talos) but it will be expensive. Sigh. I'm just praying that my dad continues to be merciful. If I have to, I will bust out some of my new student loan money and pay it, but I'd really rather not do that. Anyway, I also called Chris practically in tears (at what was essentially one in the morning for him, speaking of saints) and he ended up coming down to pick me up after work. Anyone could've taken me home, but Chris knows how much I love that car and knew that I wanted comfort. So he did it. Seriously, how on earth did I get so freaking lucky? I will never figure it out. Anyway. Yeah. Hopefully that all will get taken care of by the end of the week. I'll keep you posted.
2. As I briefly mentioned above, I accepted my student loan. My mother cautioned me to think long and hard about this, well, honestly, she told me not to do it. But guess what? I am a big girl, and I am not making enough money to pay tuition by March. Plain and simple. Plus, with New Zealand on the horizon, I am willing to take out a loan that I can certainly repay soon enough that interest won't make a big deal. I'm not stressed about it. I will make more money on patrol, plus working as an EMT in LA (or... wherever... but we're hoping LA...) will probably make me bank. We'll see.
3. Ohhhhh this is the good one. The one that definitely deserves its own blog post. But I'm keeping it on here. So on Friday, no, Saturday, I get this text from this 801 number I don't know that was like, "Hey Jen, how's it goin?" and then when I said good and asked who it was, he said, "It's Matt. So are ya still single?" Bahahahahahaha. (What he actually said was funnier, this is why I need a smartphone.) Anyway, I asked Matt who, and he said, "Strong," and then proceeded to act all offended that I didn't remember him. LOLz. Eventually, I managed to drag out of him where I had met him (and I mean drag, so mature...) and I honestly have NO CLUE WHO THIS KID IS. Whatever. He said he remembered my long legs and dark hair... so definitely me. :/ Whoops. I can only imagine that I gave him my number because we had a class together and I thought he was cute, but he never used it. Until now. When he just broke up with his girlfriend and "was looking through my phone and saw your number and thought I'd see how you're doing." WOW, CAN YOU SAY BOOTY CALL?! Kill me. Chris and I had a great laugh about it. Especially when Matt pulled out the "old flame" line... Bahahahaha, old flame, right. I can't even picture your face, we are not old flames. Roll my eyes. I kinda wanna hang out with him though, to see if seeing his face would jog my memory. Don't suggest Facebook stalking, totally already tried that. Haha. So entertaining.
4. Quidditch drama. Rolls eyes again. I don't even want to tell the whole story. But some people are silly.
5. SO EXCITED FOR SNOW CUP. And the Snow Ball with ma hot boyfrennnnn.
Last but not least...
6. IT FINALLY FREAKING SNOWED. A LOT. I SO HAPPY. <3
So, a few blog-worthy things have happened, which each honestly deserve their own post, but, whatever. Here we go.
1. My beloved car is broken. STILL. I took it to the shop a week ago to get the 4WD looked at, and there were a bunch of things wrong. Crack in the radiator, some plug had fallen out and coolant was leaking into my engine, yada yada yada. So, got that all fixed (for almost 2500 bucks, my dad was a little less than thrilled) and picked it up last night at about 5 ish. Thrilled to death to have my baby back. Driving to work (with three of my coworkers), just as we are about to drive into the canyon, something happens, there is a huge grinding/cranking sound, and something definitely goes wrong. Engine smoking and everything. Wahoo. So I call Steve's (bless his heart, the man is a freaking SAINT) and he sends out a tow, we call Sundance and one of the yurt people comes and gets us. I wait on the diagnosis all day, and finally get the call as I am about to get off the lift for my last run of the day. And what do I hear? My front differential is shattered. SHATTERED. You might as well have told me that one of my best friends got in a bad car accident for the effect it had on me. My dad will definitely not be thrilled about this, even though it's totally not my fault. These things do happen. It's repairable (thank Talos) but it will be expensive. Sigh. I'm just praying that my dad continues to be merciful. If I have to, I will bust out some of my new student loan money and pay it, but I'd really rather not do that. Anyway, I also called Chris practically in tears (at what was essentially one in the morning for him, speaking of saints) and he ended up coming down to pick me up after work. Anyone could've taken me home, but Chris knows how much I love that car and knew that I wanted comfort. So he did it. Seriously, how on earth did I get so freaking lucky? I will never figure it out. Anyway. Yeah. Hopefully that all will get taken care of by the end of the week. I'll keep you posted.
2. As I briefly mentioned above, I accepted my student loan. My mother cautioned me to think long and hard about this, well, honestly, she told me not to do it. But guess what? I am a big girl, and I am not making enough money to pay tuition by March. Plain and simple. Plus, with New Zealand on the horizon, I am willing to take out a loan that I can certainly repay soon enough that interest won't make a big deal. I'm not stressed about it. I will make more money on patrol, plus working as an EMT in LA (or... wherever... but we're hoping LA...) will probably make me bank. We'll see.
3. Ohhhhh this is the good one. The one that definitely deserves its own blog post. But I'm keeping it on here. So on Friday, no, Saturday, I get this text from this 801 number I don't know that was like, "Hey Jen, how's it goin?" and then when I said good and asked who it was, he said, "It's Matt. So are ya still single?" Bahahahahahaha. (What he actually said was funnier, this is why I need a smartphone.) Anyway, I asked Matt who, and he said, "Strong," and then proceeded to act all offended that I didn't remember him. LOLz. Eventually, I managed to drag out of him where I had met him (and I mean drag, so mature...) and I honestly have NO CLUE WHO THIS KID IS. Whatever. He said he remembered my long legs and dark hair... so definitely me. :/ Whoops. I can only imagine that I gave him my number because we had a class together and I thought he was cute, but he never used it. Until now. When he just broke up with his girlfriend and "was looking through my phone and saw your number and thought I'd see how you're doing." WOW, CAN YOU SAY BOOTY CALL?! Kill me. Chris and I had a great laugh about it. Especially when Matt pulled out the "old flame" line... Bahahahaha, old flame, right. I can't even picture your face, we are not old flames. Roll my eyes. I kinda wanna hang out with him though, to see if seeing his face would jog my memory. Don't suggest Facebook stalking, totally already tried that. Haha. So entertaining.
4. Quidditch drama. Rolls eyes again. I don't even want to tell the whole story. But some people are silly.
5. SO EXCITED FOR SNOW CUP. And the Snow Ball with ma hot boyfrennnnn.
Last but not least...
6. IT FINALLY FREAKING SNOWED. A LOT. I SO HAPPY. <3
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Crash.
Well, that lasted a really long time...
Haha, don't worry, things are still good with Chris (nay, great, he gets better by the minute), but the high I've been riding on for the last couple of days just came to a screeching halt. My mom called to give me my tax info for my FAFSA (I almost said FAFSA application... redundancy derp) and we of course ended up on the subject of tuition (for fall and winter-keep in mind this is almost 5 grand). Yeah... I don't have it. I've spent the last four months fretting away most of my income on gear, clothes, gear, gasoline, and gear - plus necessities of life like rent and food. It's not something I'm particularly proud of, but it's kind of that "I have money! It feels good! I'm going to buy those two forty dollar carabiners!" feeling. I realize this is scary. Again, not something I'm proud of. I know money can't buy happiness, but the way I feel in those clothes, or the fun I have with that gear, or whatever... I don't want to say it's priceless, but to me it kind of is. I'm admittedly really insecure, you all know this. When I wear that Patagonia pullover or those Chacos, I FEEL SO FREAKING COOL. When I show up on the ski hill in the newest, coolest helmet and goggles, and everyone is jealous? Oh my gosh, words cannot describe the feeling that fills me with. Even if no one is jealous, I just feel better in that stuff.
I'm not trying to rationalize my bad habits. I'm just trying to say, there's reasoning behind it. And everything I've bought I've used - A LOT. (Well, the helmet and goggles and FatCats I WILL use a lot - every single day this winter.) The rock climbing gear? (Rope, quickdraws, carabiners, etc.) I used FOUR DAYS A WEEK all summer long. Want to do the math? Okay, I wouldn't either. Probably about 48 times. Roughly six dollars a day. I made probably that much in an hour, and that's less than half of what I would pay to go climb at a gym (which is significantly less enjoyable), plus the quickdraws and carabiners will last 3-4 years. (Draws are supposed to be replaced every 3 years.) When I start climbing twice a week with Hands, I'm going to use my rope a lot more, because we're going to get lead certified. At the beginning of the summer, or when I go on my mission, or when I go on my Study Abroad, my rope is going to get retired to be a boat rope at my family's cabin. It will get to have that job until it can't anymore. Waaaaa! Long life, and tons of enjoyment. Thanks rope, you were an excellent purchase.
There were admittedly things I should've been more careful about. I should've looked longer and harder for a cheaper Foo Fighters ticket, instead of freaking out and making a rookie mistake when I realized I hadn't bought a ticket yet. That was dumb, I admit it. The concert was INCREDIBLE, but I do wish I would've spent less money on it. I shouldn't have bought two iPod cases. That was pointless and a waste. I really didn't need to buy that Clymb t-shirt to get 'free shipping'. Yeah, essentially buying that shirt made shipping twenty bucks instead of eight. But I wanted it. And I do feel super cool wearing it. I really don't NEED those Chacos, but man I love them, and man they are good looking, and man I feel good about myself when I wear them. ("No! Jen, you don't need shoes to complete you!")
Other than the Foo Fighters tickets though, I looked for the best deals on stuff. (Those Chacos? 60% off retail.) And yeah, I probably could've only sank a couple hundred bucks into my old computer to fix it, but I WILL ADMIT IT, I wanted a computer that could play Skyrim. It's stupid. But Skyrim will provide me with literally hundreds of hours of entertainment.
Seriously, writing this makes me want to cry. I'm so stressed about school, and I miss Chris a lot, and now I have this on top of my shoulders. I have to come up with the money by March, plus pay my credit card bills (I NEVER, EVER do 'minimum payments'. It's all, or as much as I possibly can, which is usually all, though that generally ends up completely draining my bank account - doesn't that get me some bonus points?) and keep up with rent/eat. Sigh. I'm so scared. Why does this always happen to me?
Because I 'wanted it'. And little things add up. SOOO freaking fast. :'( I need a hug.
On a positive note though, I get to spend a good chunk of my day today with Chris. When I actually think about that instead of my current situation, I'm so excited, I can hardly breathe. But between that and SKYRIM (!!!!!!) I won't really have time to really post today, which is why I'm posting this at 1:30 in the morning. Yuuuuuupppp. And I'm up because I have cleaning checks. Boooo.
Haha, don't worry, things are still good with Chris (nay, great, he gets better by the minute), but the high I've been riding on for the last couple of days just came to a screeching halt. My mom called to give me my tax info for my FAFSA (I almost said FAFSA application... redundancy derp) and we of course ended up on the subject of tuition (for fall and winter-keep in mind this is almost 5 grand). Yeah... I don't have it. I've spent the last four months fretting away most of my income on gear, clothes, gear, gasoline, and gear - plus necessities of life like rent and food. It's not something I'm particularly proud of, but it's kind of that "I have money! It feels good! I'm going to buy those two forty dollar carabiners!" feeling. I realize this is scary. Again, not something I'm proud of. I know money can't buy happiness, but the way I feel in those clothes, or the fun I have with that gear, or whatever... I don't want to say it's priceless, but to me it kind of is. I'm admittedly really insecure, you all know this. When I wear that Patagonia pullover or those Chacos, I FEEL SO FREAKING COOL. When I show up on the ski hill in the newest, coolest helmet and goggles, and everyone is jealous? Oh my gosh, words cannot describe the feeling that fills me with. Even if no one is jealous, I just feel better in that stuff.
I'm not trying to rationalize my bad habits. I'm just trying to say, there's reasoning behind it. And everything I've bought I've used - A LOT. (Well, the helmet and goggles and FatCats I WILL use a lot - every single day this winter.) The rock climbing gear? (Rope, quickdraws, carabiners, etc.) I used FOUR DAYS A WEEK all summer long. Want to do the math? Okay, I wouldn't either. Probably about 48 times. Roughly six dollars a day. I made probably that much in an hour, and that's less than half of what I would pay to go climb at a gym (which is significantly less enjoyable), plus the quickdraws and carabiners will last 3-4 years. (Draws are supposed to be replaced every 3 years.) When I start climbing twice a week with Hands, I'm going to use my rope a lot more, because we're going to get lead certified. At the beginning of the summer, or when I go on my mission, or when I go on my Study Abroad, my rope is going to get retired to be a boat rope at my family's cabin. It will get to have that job until it can't anymore. Waaaaa! Long life, and tons of enjoyment. Thanks rope, you were an excellent purchase.
There were admittedly things I should've been more careful about. I should've looked longer and harder for a cheaper Foo Fighters ticket, instead of freaking out and making a rookie mistake when I realized I hadn't bought a ticket yet. That was dumb, I admit it. The concert was INCREDIBLE, but I do wish I would've spent less money on it. I shouldn't have bought two iPod cases. That was pointless and a waste. I really didn't need to buy that Clymb t-shirt to get 'free shipping'. Yeah, essentially buying that shirt made shipping twenty bucks instead of eight. But I wanted it. And I do feel super cool wearing it. I really don't NEED those Chacos, but man I love them, and man they are good looking, and man I feel good about myself when I wear them. ("No! Jen, you don't need shoes to complete you!")
Other than the Foo Fighters tickets though, I looked for the best deals on stuff. (Those Chacos? 60% off retail.) And yeah, I probably could've only sank a couple hundred bucks into my old computer to fix it, but I WILL ADMIT IT, I wanted a computer that could play Skyrim. It's stupid. But Skyrim will provide me with literally hundreds of hours of entertainment.
Seriously, writing this makes me want to cry. I'm so stressed about school, and I miss Chris a lot, and now I have this on top of my shoulders. I have to come up with the money by March, plus pay my credit card bills (I NEVER, EVER do 'minimum payments'. It's all, or as much as I possibly can, which is usually all, though that generally ends up completely draining my bank account - doesn't that get me some bonus points?) and keep up with rent/eat. Sigh. I'm so scared. Why does this always happen to me?
Because I 'wanted it'. And little things add up. SOOO freaking fast. :'( I need a hug.
On a positive note though, I get to spend a good chunk of my day today with Chris. When I actually think about that instead of my current situation, I'm so excited, I can hardly breathe. But between that and SKYRIM (!!!!!!) I won't really have time to really post today, which is why I'm posting this at 1:30 in the morning. Yuuuuuupppp. And I'm up because I have cleaning checks. Boooo.
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