Ra-DIK-uh-lus.

Okay. Here's the deal.

You know how I said I don't get asked on dates? Well, it's total bull.

I've had at least one date every week since moving back to Provo.

I think the reason I felt like I didn't, was because I'm used to being the girlfriend. I'm a girlfriend girl. I kind of always have been. I like having a boyfriend. I like the stability and the consistency of being a girlfriend. In the past four and a half years of my life, I think I've been a girlfriend more than I haven't. I'll have to think more in depth about that to find out for sure, but I'll get back to you.

Anyway, going from being a girlfriend to... nothing... at Aspen Grove- weird. And definitely made me feel like I NEVER go on dates. Because all summer, I didn't.

What I'm saying is, I'm not complaining. I am thoroughly enjoying! ("Chet's arguing! I'm enjoying!")

The only complaint I am having, is that I seem to be going on an endless stream of first dates, to have the guys vanish off my radar... I call it the "Vanishing Problem." I get asked on a first date, have a great time, and think/hear/am told that the guy had a great time too. Eagerly, I await the second date call. And it never comes. (Okay, never say never, Justin Bieber, Miss Frizzle, etc, but seriously.) Examples? Cupcake Boy. Mr. Butler. Air Force Cadet. TECHNICALLY, David. We never went on a second 'date.' Oh wait, yeah we did. After we broke up.

Wait, I lied. I have another complaint. The guys who DO call/ask for a second date... not really feelin' it. (Not that I'm saying I AM feeling it with the other guys, or that I didn't have a great time with them... digging hole...) I mean, I'm perfectly willing to go on another date with them, but I generally don't see things going anywhere, for one reason or another.

For example - How I Met Your Mother. Such a great guy. I had so much fun. Just not really feeling it. It's honestly nothing against him, because we're friends. I'm not going to say "he's not my type," but he's not really the rock climbing, horseback riding, Grand Slam-ing type. And let's face it, I need to have a husband who can keep up with all of my crazy-ness.

Example number two- So much more complicated. Ugh, so much more complicated.

Friday night, blind date with Air Force Cadet #2. I have no idea what else to call him. Fuji Bike Man? I don't know. Anyway, such a great date. We went to HumorU and then Costa Vida. He is a great guy, and I had a really good time. We're going for a bike ride today, and going out again this coming Friday. Wait, what's the problem? He's a solid three inches shorter than me. :( I am so angry with the universe right now, I could throw rocks at it.

A few people have told me that height isn't/shouldn't be a big deal. I know it isn't for some girls. I'm not one of those girls. I wish I could shrug my shoulders and say, "Hey, I'll get over it." But I can't. I've kissed guys that are shorter than me, and it's so weird. Like I said, I'm not one of those girls who's chill with it. I thoroughly enjoy wearing heels. I thoroughly enjoy looking up into my boyfriend's face when we hug. Same height.... iffy. But shorter? It just... it's weird to me.

I WISH IT WEREN'T. Because, if I'm being honest, I like this kid. As much as one can after one date. It's so frustrating. I want to just shrug it off and see where it goes.

So here's my plan, and he's aware of this. It might make me a selfish bitch, but... I'm going to wait until either the liking him or the height thing overtakes the other. It may seem terrible, and the friend who set us up thinks I'm ridiculous, but it's just... important to me. The good thing is, he was aware of this before asking me on dates two and three. Because let's be honest, this bike ride is a date.

Another thing, I've been told not to give up on Mr. Butler.

Part of me kind of wishes I could give up dating until my mission... and relationship wise, I probably have.

Sigh.

Weird.

I MEANT to post yesterday. I promise I did. But by the time I thought about it, it was already technically 'today,' so I figured I'd wait until I was a little more coherent.

Conference today was great. The reality is starting to hit me that, if I keep going the way I am, I'll have my mission call next Conference, and be getting ready to leave. It's crazy. Like, blow my mind.

My date with Mr. How I Met Your Mother (he needs a better nickname) was fun. I had a good time, truthfully and honestly, but I don't really see it going anywhere. That's mostly because of the mission... I don't see anything going anywhere with anyone.
"That's a lie," you think. "What about Cupcake Boy?" Yeah... he continues to confuse me. We talked again at Dessert Night (our ward doesn't have 'ward prayer,' for reasons beyond me) and all I could think about was how bad I want him to ask me out again. Homecoming is this Friday (I know, I know!) and I would actually really like to go. With Cupcake Boy. Yep. I said it.

Okay, I admit it, there may be a small part of me that's simply interested because he's cute and we had a good time. Oh wait, isn't that, like, a good motivation for interest? But seriously, I want to go out with him again, and maybe even again, until either interest or disinterest is decided. (Mostly on my side, I know, selfish, right?) Isn't that THE POINT of dating? I mean, maybe he isn't interested, but if he wasn't, he could've, you know, NOT gradually sidled his way over to me, or, you know, NOT initiated conversation with me... I feel like I've shown a high enough amount of interest that if he didn't reciprocate at all and wanted nothing to do with me that he would shun me like a leper. Perhaps not. I still don't know when it's acceptable to send the "Hey, so, I was just wondering if we were going to go out again sometime" text. According to a guy in my ward (still haven't decided if he merits a nickname yet...) a week is not too long, because the guy doesn't "want to seem like a creeper." OKAY, um, unless I made it completely obvious I wasn't interested, it is never too early to ask on the second date. Maybe at the beginning of the first date, but since that obviously didn't happen, we're kinda past the phase of creeper-ness.

UGH.

On a completely different note, one of my very most bestest friends got engaged yesterday and I am SO FREAKING EXCITED! When she called I screamed for probably a full minute. She deserves it. She's dated some dumb bums. And, yeah, they haven't dated SUPER long, but he is a seriously amazing guy, and she is a seriously amazing girl, and I think they'll work out just fine.

She's getting married and I'm going on a mission. For some reason I always thought it would be the other way around.... But you know what? I very much like it this way.

Whoa. That feels weird. (Good weird.)

Rasmus.

You know how sometimes, you don't listen to a band for a really long time, and then you think, "Man, I'd like to listen to that band again!" and you do, and it's FREAKING AMAZING? Yeah, that just happened. Only in the middle, there was some freaking out because The Rasmus had disappeared from my iTunes library. Don't worry, after some digging, I found them! My computer has so much crap on it. It's ridiculous.
Anyway, The Rasmus and The Classic Crime were like the soundtrack of my commutes to and from work (all, like, ten minutes, SO grown up right?) the summer after I graduated from high school. And I'm not sure I've listened to The Rasmus since then, which is ridiculous, because they're super good, even though their lead singer is WEIRD LOOKING.

It's the hair/feathers...
Anyway, I love them. And I'm so happy I have them back.
Why are Finnish bands so amazing? (Nightwish, anyone? Anette is a GODDESS.)

I am so impatient. I need to stop. It hasn't even been a week, and I am dying to address the second-date issue with the guy who took me to the Cocoa Bean. (I do NOT want to call him Cupcake Boy...) But, after polling the roommates and the visiting teachers, I have decided that I should definitely wait until after this weekend. Which is difficult for me. Call me unorthodox, or forward, or WHATEVER, but I'd rather just broach the subject, discuss it, and get it over with. Some people think the uncertainty is 'fun,' and sometimes I agree, but generally speaking, I can't handle it. I think I'd be a little more okay with this if I had gotten 'the vibe,' but I didn't get it, and I have to admit that that freaks me out a little bit. Or rather just makes me think that there is not likely to be a second date. But I find that so odd, because I feel like the date itself went super great. It was only until afterwards that I had any doubts of a second date. It's not like I was like, "oh my gosh, I'm gonna date this guy!" on the first date, but I had such a great time (and I had assumed from the park continuation that he was having a great time too) that I figured there would almost certainly be a second date. Ugh, I just don't know. I sit there and think about how I should've shut my mouth, and let him talk more, or whatever, and I hash and re-hash, and it's driving me crazy.

But honestly, I have a two-date policy. I feel like interest, or disinterest, cannot be established after a single date. People are generally on a little bit of their best behavior on a first date, and there's some uncertainty as to how the date will pan out. A more generic activity is usually chosen, so as to gauge adaptability, and also not to scare away either party. But unless things go completely TERRIBLY, and/or someone attempts to murder and/or rape their date, romantic interest cannot really be very well determined. (In my opinion.) If the first date goes extremely well, and you're fairly certain that you're going to end up dating this individual for an extended period of time, the second date generally serves to solidify this feeling. Or perhaps reveal that the first date was in fact a fluke, and all of the things you had in common on the first date are actually the ONLY things you have in common. If the first date goes decently well, the second date will either tell if there's more interest (if you continue to have a good time and/or great conversation) or if there isn't. If the first date goes... meh... but you have a good time on the second date, aren't you glad you didn't just give up? Or if you have a meh time on the second date, at least now you KNOW. Plus, I think it takes a good deal of courage to ask someone on a first date, and if you shut someone down after the first date, then they may lose their courage to ask on any first dates, because what's the point if that's all you're gonna get?
I obviously have super strong opinions on this.

Can you understand that dating drives me crazy? Especially at BYU?

On a side note, I pulled the prank. It resulted in my falling flat on my bum (REALLY HARD) while running to Kiwanis Park, and David (yeah, I pulled a prank on David, I couldn't resist, and I figured he'd be good-natured about it) and I having a smartphone lightsaber fight. (Smartphone is a word, but lightsaber gets underlined in red by spell check? Whaaaaaat?) He handled it pretty well, mostly because I'm fairly certain he mostly figured it out before. But yeah. He laughed.

Cupcakes.

So, I wrote this really long post about this awesome date I went on last night, and then Blogger decided to be poop.
GRRRRRR.
Let me sum up.
Me + cute guy in my ward + cupcakes + crazy swing = goodness.

I should know better than to blog about good first dates... I don't want to jinx this.

Because I'm really hoping for a second date.