Six.

That's how many consecutive days Chris and I have spent together in the past seven-day period. Yep, six. Birthday weekend turned into birthday which turned into finals all-nighter, so technically today (Wednesday) is only PARTLY contributing to the six, but w/e, it sounds more impressive/awesome. However, now I have to wait until Sunday to see him. *face melts into indecipherable expression*
But then we get to have another 'weekend' aka he's going to hang out in Provo for like four days and whenever I'm not working we'll be together. And when I am working he may or may not be vegging at my apartment playing Skyrim on The Gorgeous. Or watching Netflix. Or sleeping on my couch. My roommates won't be home, so I need someone to guard my stuff while I'm not there! (Right.) Either way, the month of December is going to involve plenty of Chris-Jen togetherness.

Next semester is going to suck.

The job at Sundance is still going ab fab, I'm finally to the point where I'm teaching lessons by myself, NBD.

The job at Outdoors alternates between putting me to sleep and making me want to kill all of the people who come in all at once wanting to return/rent skis. Grrrrrrrrr.

School is almost over. One more paper to wrap up and then I'm free, for better or for worse. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm not going to lie, I'm SO excited to get rid of the permanent headache that settled on me last week it's kind of ridiculous. I'm not even nervous about my last final, not even remotely. I'm just nervous about finishing my paper.

On the subject of papers, I don't know if I've told you all, but there have been a few times that Chris has told me that I'm "the best girlfriend" he's ever had. (Although I haven't actually heard him say it in a while, which is okay I suppose. It's just not something I ever get tired of hearing.) To be honest, he had been chilling at the topmost tier since before we even started dating, but there hasn't really been anything to this point that has "blown my mind." Until now. It's not even something that seems like a big deal, but it was huge to me. Some people might think of 'mind blowing' as some completely over-the-top romantic event, but to me, it was simply him helping me with my paper. Because of his help I was able to get it done on time, which might just save my grade. He had tons of studying to do himself, but instead he opted to help me. Seriously, I'm still in a little bit of disbelief. I know he doesn't think of it as that big of a deal, and some of you are probably like, "What? Something that simple makes him the best boyfriend you've ever had?" My answer to you is most assuredly yes. By small and simple means great things are brought to pass!

My family might call me a broken record, but I'm more crazy about this boy than I've ever been about anybody else. AND he got the, "he's really cute!" seal of approval from my mother. Which is a big deal to me. She called Brandon 'nice' (code for "what on earth are you thinking Jen?") and she never met Nine Toes. I honestly don't remember if she liked Mitsubishi or not, seriously, I remember very little about that relationship, even though it was essentially eight months long from start to finish and we had very seriously talked marriage. The last boy she called "really cute" was Dork Boy, and I don't think I've talked about him, but my mother LOVED HIM, in fact I think she's still secretly disappointed that I let him get away. Even though that was almost two and a half years ago and he's married now. Yeah. Either way, lately every time I've been invited to 'family things' it has been "would you and Chris like to come/be able to make it to..." YEAH. I don't think I have to tell you how much I really like that. I've always wanted to be "you and boy." And now I am. I love it I love it I love it.

Sunday is the Woods family Christmas party, and I don't know if I should be excited or nervous. Now that I think I'm over the parents hurdle I'm not particularly nervous. Besides, I'll be with Chris. Other than remembering to keep the PDA toned down (it will have been FOUR DAYS since our last time together, talk about difficult!!!! LOLz) I don't think I have much to worry about.

Tomorrow is a full day at Sundance, followed by Friday morning there as well. (Friday will be awesome, because I'll be off by 12:30 and don't have to be at work at Outdoors until four. Skiiiiiiinnnnngggggggggggg.) Stoked. I love skiing. I love Sundance. And teaching is okay too I guess.

OH, and today a tandem bike fell on my leg as I fell through a rack of skis. I'll be sure to post a photo/diagram tomorrow. It hurt. And I want you to fully grasp why.

Calm.

A. I am not. I read Chris' latest blog post, and I'm mildly freaking out. Seriously, I'm so excited, I'm shaking. Deep breaths, deep breaths.

B. I need to be. It's just difficult for me. My heart/emotional well-being has been messed with so much, and my self esteem is so... non-existent, that I tend to not accept a guy's interest as reality. It's super frustrating. Even with Nine Toes, I KNEW he was in love with me, but when he dumped me, it just solidified in my brain as, "Well, you knew this was too good to be true all along, so this isn't all that surprising." It's irritating.

I refuse to let this turn into a bitter diatribe about all the guys that have taken advantage of me, but there have been A LOT. Guys that acted true and sweet and genuine and then turned around after getting what they wanted and were like, "PSYCH! Not interested in anything but getting what I wanted and I got it so, peace out." It makes me vaguely sick to think of how many times that's happened, especially in college. Some might call it naïve, but I suppose I would go with 'hopeful romantic.' 


Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a pretty loving person. Especially since high school, I love my friends and I love them deeply. Some people have gotten overwhelmed by that. Well excuse me for loving you, I just have a lot to give and you're one of the people I want to give it to. Generally this love is shown by a near inability to say no to favors (I cannot count the number of mornings I got up at absurd hours to give my friends rides places freshman year, when I was one of the only people with a car) and affection. Both of these, though things I can't give up because they are innate parts of who I am, have gotten taken advantage of, especially by the male gender.

So, it's not something I'm particularly proud of, but over the years this had led to my seeming the same on the outside, but inside being super guarded, skeptical, a little bitter, and unfortunately very distrustful. In the beginning of relationships, I try to act natural, but on the inside I'm wary of letting myself get caught in another trap. The more I want things to work, the more wary I get. I'm not saying that I get totally misanthropic, I just second guess myself like crazy, and second guess everything the guy says or does.

I REALIZE THIS IS OBNOXIOUS. I think it's obnoxious! It drives me insane. But no matter how hard I try, it doesn't ever go away. It's been better with Chris, because driving 45 minutes to an hour to go on a date with someone he's never even met says a lot, but I'm nervous. Worried. Scared. I like this boy more than I've ever really admitted, probably even to myself, and I really don't want to screw this up. 

So, I'm going to try to do better. Try not to be insecure. Try not to second guess myself, and him, and... everything. It's not going to be easy. But I hope I can do it, and I know it's going to be worth it, be it with Chris, or with someone else.

He leaves for New York for the Quidditch World Cup (have I already said how incredibly hot that is? Seriously.) this week. So I don't know for sure when I'll see him and go on Date 3, but I hope it's sooner rather than later. [And, might I add, I will very dutifully be watching all of the games of theirs that will be streaming online. It's going to be torture not to be there to celebrate with him when they do well, and be there to tell him that he's still fantastic IF they end up losing. He's pretty confident that they'll do very well, and I really hope they do. I would be inordinately excited/proud. I will be there in spirit.]