Six.

That's how many consecutive days Chris and I have spent together in the past seven-day period. Yep, six. Birthday weekend turned into birthday which turned into finals all-nighter, so technically today (Wednesday) is only PARTLY contributing to the six, but w/e, it sounds more impressive/awesome. However, now I have to wait until Sunday to see him. *face melts into indecipherable expression*
But then we get to have another 'weekend' aka he's going to hang out in Provo for like four days and whenever I'm not working we'll be together. And when I am working he may or may not be vegging at my apartment playing Skyrim on The Gorgeous. Or watching Netflix. Or sleeping on my couch. My roommates won't be home, so I need someone to guard my stuff while I'm not there! (Right.) Either way, the month of December is going to involve plenty of Chris-Jen togetherness.

Next semester is going to suck.

The job at Sundance is still going ab fab, I'm finally to the point where I'm teaching lessons by myself, NBD.

The job at Outdoors alternates between putting me to sleep and making me want to kill all of the people who come in all at once wanting to return/rent skis. Grrrrrrrrr.

School is almost over. One more paper to wrap up and then I'm free, for better or for worse. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm not going to lie, I'm SO excited to get rid of the permanent headache that settled on me last week it's kind of ridiculous. I'm not even nervous about my last final, not even remotely. I'm just nervous about finishing my paper.

On the subject of papers, I don't know if I've told you all, but there have been a few times that Chris has told me that I'm "the best girlfriend" he's ever had. (Although I haven't actually heard him say it in a while, which is okay I suppose. It's just not something I ever get tired of hearing.) To be honest, he had been chilling at the topmost tier since before we even started dating, but there hasn't really been anything to this point that has "blown my mind." Until now. It's not even something that seems like a big deal, but it was huge to me. Some people might think of 'mind blowing' as some completely over-the-top romantic event, but to me, it was simply him helping me with my paper. Because of his help I was able to get it done on time, which might just save my grade. He had tons of studying to do himself, but instead he opted to help me. Seriously, I'm still in a little bit of disbelief. I know he doesn't think of it as that big of a deal, and some of you are probably like, "What? Something that simple makes him the best boyfriend you've ever had?" My answer to you is most assuredly yes. By small and simple means great things are brought to pass!

My family might call me a broken record, but I'm more crazy about this boy than I've ever been about anybody else. AND he got the, "he's really cute!" seal of approval from my mother. Which is a big deal to me. She called Brandon 'nice' (code for "what on earth are you thinking Jen?") and she never met Nine Toes. I honestly don't remember if she liked Mitsubishi or not, seriously, I remember very little about that relationship, even though it was essentially eight months long from start to finish and we had very seriously talked marriage. The last boy she called "really cute" was Dork Boy, and I don't think I've talked about him, but my mother LOVED HIM, in fact I think she's still secretly disappointed that I let him get away. Even though that was almost two and a half years ago and he's married now. Yeah. Either way, lately every time I've been invited to 'family things' it has been "would you and Chris like to come/be able to make it to..." YEAH. I don't think I have to tell you how much I really like that. I've always wanted to be "you and boy." And now I am. I love it I love it I love it.

Sunday is the Woods family Christmas party, and I don't know if I should be excited or nervous. Now that I think I'm over the parents hurdle I'm not particularly nervous. Besides, I'll be with Chris. Other than remembering to keep the PDA toned down (it will have been FOUR DAYS since our last time together, talk about difficult!!!! LOLz) I don't think I have much to worry about.

Tomorrow is a full day at Sundance, followed by Friday morning there as well. (Friday will be awesome, because I'll be off by 12:30 and don't have to be at work at Outdoors until four. Skiiiiiiinnnnngggggggggggg.) Stoked. I love skiing. I love Sundance. And teaching is okay too I guess.

OH, and today a tandem bike fell on my leg as I fell through a rack of skis. I'll be sure to post a photo/diagram tomorrow. It hurt. And I want you to fully grasp why.

Chapter.

"If you close your eyes and listen close, you can hear that chapter close." -Relient K, 'I Don't Need a Soul'

So Brandon and I decided to give dating over the summer a whirl. I'm not sure he's a hundred percent thrilled but I'm not gonna love it either. Although I'm thrilled to be dating him still, I'm going to miss him like crazy. But I feel like this will be good for him, and me too. Don't get me wrong, I love Brandon, but he can sometimes be kind of a martyr. It's just because he's a good guy and has a heart that just can't let him not be helpful. It's a lovely quality, but sometimes it drives me nuts. Do what you wanna cuz ya wanna! You don't need anyone's permission to live your life the way you want to. Yes, we're bound by our humanity and society to a certain degree, but it doesn't need to control us. I'm tired of letting worry and fear and misgivings hold me back. I've had enough, and if I can help Brandon, then cool. You determine your worth to yourself. Sometimes you have to be unafraid of taking life and just... taking it!

Moving on.

Purge.

So, today I did a 'friend purge' on Facebook. I deleted a bunch of people that I never talk to and wouldn't talk to if I saw them on the street or on campus or whatever. It really wasn't anything personal, it was just pointless. Facebook in general is pointless, but there have been more than a few times where I've seen a person pop up on my news feed and thought, 'Why on earth am I still friends with that person?' Now I've gotten rid of a bunch of them and it is extremely satisfying. (No offense guys...)
Anyway, today is my second full day in Boise and for the most part it's just like any other place in the world. Except that some of the time it's better, because it has Brandon in it. Sappy moment over. But seriously, I missed him like crazy and it has been so wonderful to get to hang out with him. Even though he's not my boyfriend anymore, he's still my best friend and being around him makes me happy. It's funny, I don't even care what we do, even if we just sit and watch a movie or watch his fire burn, I'm perfectly happy. I hate missing him. I hate having him far away. And to be honest, I kinda hate that I fell in love with him. It was definitely not my intention, to say the very least.
But that's not the point. The point is, I'm really glad I came.

Boise.

Where's a map?

So, I'm going to Boise with Bre. She needed someone to come with her, and I wanted to go see Brandon, so it worked out nicely. And I have to say, even though it has been made very clear to me that nothing is going to happen, I am absurdly excited to see that boy! I mean, come on, he is my best friend after all. Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know.

Also, I'm sorry I've been AWOL for a while. I've been working a lot and moving and running around like a chicken with its head cut off. But for the most part, I've been feeling pretty good.

Great news though! (I'm pretty sure.) I'm still on probation, which means I get to stay at Aspen Grove for the summer, AND stay at BYU in the fall!!!! Unless I end up deciding to go to South Africa for a horse internship... but I suppose we'll have to see. The craziest thing is, my mom is actually like, supporting the idea. It's kind of weird. But anyway, here's the link. http://wildcoasthorsebackadventures.yolasite.com/volunteer-program.php

I NEED TO SLEEP! So, good night world.

Moving.

On the whole, I don't particularly mind moving. I like moving into a new place and making it mine and whatnot. What I hate is moving out. It's such a pain, like, seriously, especially for lazy people like me. I'm relatively organized, at least in a system that I understand, but it's just frustrating.
I don't want to stuff my life into a bunch of boxes and tear apart what I built for myself.
It's like laundry, or showering. I don't really want to do it, but as soon as I do it, I feel much better. Okay, it's actually nothing like those two. Because I don't feel better after packing. I just feel lonely. Empty. And I'm always the last one to leave, so I usually have some abandonment in there.
Yes, I know, this post is depressing and unhappy, but I'm a little on the depressed and unhappy side. First night without Brandon = weird and lonely. Even when we weren't doing particularly anything, we still were together, enjoying each others' company. And it is so obvious to me that without him I have no social life, besides my horses, that it kills me.
I have so much going on this weekend. I have work from 9-4 (yeah, like a real job!) then I boogie back to Provo to shower and get ready to drive to Layton for the workshop with JAKE GARN (he's this photographer I completely idolize). After I soak up some of his genius, I get to drive home and pack... Yay... I'm going to try and get as much packing done as I can so that when I actually have to move I don't have much to deal with. There's just so much stuff. I have so much stuff, it's astonishing to me. I'll probably have to do laundry in there somewhere, then my parents are coming to pick up my big stuff and come to the barn to meet my best friends in the universe. Somewhere after the barn, I'm going to come home and finally do my last bits of homework, write pleading letters to my professors apologizing and begging them to pass me, and get as much of my to-do list done as I can. Then comes Sunday, which is going to REALLY be crappy without Brandon. It makes me hurt just thinking about it.
Then comes a week of... what? Working... cleaning... packing the last scraps of life I have at my place... Selling back textbooks... Trying to shake my feeling of constant icky that settled on me months and months ago. Heck, maybe even years and years ago.
Sigh. Here we go.

Hurt.

So, today Brandon went home to Boise, and I feel like someone punched me in the chest. I'm honestly not sure I've felt so awful in a long time. I love him and I know he loves me and I don't know if that makes it better or worse. Last night when I couldn't keep myself from crying he cried too. A guy has NEVER cried saying goodbye to me before. It broke my heart. I didn't want him to leave. I don't want to stop dating him. I want to keep seeing him every day. I want to hug him and hold his hand and not ever let go.
I hate this.

Kimberly.

Remember Kim, from my previous post? The one whose leukemia came out of remission? Well, she went home today. Real home. Even though we weren't super close, I will miss her cute smile and her fun personality. But I can guarantee you that heaven is very happy to have her back. Love you sweetie!

On a less sad note, it's April Fool's Day, which (in contrast with last year) I am not digging. So many people are pretending to get engaged... ugh. Brandon's prank on his brother was awesome (I won't go into detail, but I can assure you the delivery was perfection, Dill totally bought it!) but Daniel's attempted prank on me this morning (at eight! It was early!) did not get bought so easily.

Good note. I have (YET ANOTHER) horse. Only this one I think will be my actual boy. He's the sweetest boy on the planet. His name is Ryder and he's a fifteen-year-old bay Mustang. Yes, MUSTANG! Woot! He's super patient and has a really expressive face. He hates hoses but loves to be groomed. He's not such a fan of sugar but he LOVES carrots. He would much rather be outside and he tends to be more of a Mustang than he should be sometime. (IE he's not as obedient as he should be.) But he is SO cuuuuuuuuute. I can't wait to take pictures of that cutie pie and put them up on the internets. I love him. I feel like he loves me too but of course I don't know. He definitely trusts me. Gosh I love him. He's a big beefy horse but he's just a sweetheart. Whoa, I just realized... he is Brandon in horsey form... I love my big sweet men. :) He doesn't get taken care of much, but I am taking him under my wing and making him my baby.

Anyway, life is pretty good. I love the barn, I love the sun, I love The Biggest Loser, and I love being lazy!

California.

So... I leave in like, less than seven hours and I am completely, 100%, NOT PACKED. In fact, my room is still a huge mess. And what did I do today? Sat around and played Oblivion. In my hugely messy room. With my packing list staring me in my face.

This is so bad.

But I'm also really excited, because the forecast for Thursday (Disneyland day) is mostly sunny. And yes, I do mean the forecast in Anaheim. I'm not stupid.

On a side note, I really miss Brandon. And not even necessarily my boyfriend. I just miss having him around. It's been so weird, I haven't seen him since he broke up with me. That's like, the first time in a waaaaaaay long time. It's just weird. He was such a huge part of my life. But now I realize that he pretty much WAS my social life. Yikes. I think that's what always happens to me. I've never really had a legitimate social life, because when I have a boyfriend, he is everything, and as soon as he's gone, I feel like a loser until the next one comes along. And the vicious cycle continues. Until NOW. No boyfriend until after la mission! (Yeah, like three years. The longest time period since I was FIFTEEN.) Yes, it's going to be hard. But I'm going to be so much better for it.

FREEEEEEEDOMMMMMMM!!!!!!

Bored.

I figured it out. I'm so freaking bored of life and everything about it. When I'm bored, I sleep. Hence why I've been sleeping so much.
And I have no idea how to make myself become un-bored. That scares me.

You know what else? Without Brandon, I don't have a social life. None. Zip. Zero. That scares me too. As much as I love being alone and listening to music and playing Oblivion (which I admittedly can't right now because it has a glitch) it's weird and kind of sucks to suddenly not have at least one someone to hang out with. Yuck, I hate this feeling.

On a good note though, last night I went to the Pendulum concert. :O Ahhhhhhhmazing. Rob Swire is so attractive and such a talented vocalist. And it was so great to just dance around to incredible music and forget about life for awhile. Sigh.

I just need to un-bore myself. And it's WAY harder than it sounds.

Break.

So... I know I just barely told the world that Brandon and I are dating, buuuuuuut we're not anymore. Yes, I'm sad. No, I'm not mad.
There is a lot of logic behind his reasoning, and a lot of truth and wisdom. I'm really proud of him, actually.
And, maybe, just maybe, I can actually be friends with him. I want to. Because let's face it, I really do love him, but I love his personality, and that doesn't change whether or not I'm his girlfriend or just his BFF. He was my BFF before... pretty sure he can be my BFF again. Just subtract the hand holding (which I admittedly wasn't a huge fan of in public anyway) and the kissing (which I WILL miss, but there is more than just one amazing kisser in the world) and we're pretty much back to where we were, only we know each other better and we care about each other more deeply.
And even I will admit that the amount of time we spent together was very unproductive for both of us, and we are both at a point where we need to focus on school. And I need to focus on a mission, not boys.

But boys/men, here is a warning.
Brandon was and still is the best guy I've ever dated or had the pleasure of spending lots of time with. He is smart, funny, sensitive, patient, strong, loving, sweet, caring, honest... he's just great. Throw in a dash of 'more my style', strain out the hunting, and you pretty much have Mr. Perfect.
Bon courage.

Blueberries.

Just as a little side note, and perhaps to counter my undying cynicism, I do like cuteness.

So when Brandon 'surprised' me with blueberries... um, way better than chocolates.
And the flowers weren't too bad either. The thought behind them was adorable.
Or the fact that he shaved.
And wore my favorite shirt (of his. A straight man who looks good in a v-neck? YES!).

Brandon = winner.

PS Mom, yes, he is my boyfriend. Yes, I like him a lot. No, I do not like his profile picture right now. (Dead things... grossssssssss.) But other than that, he's definitely the best one yet.

Momentum.

The biggest (and best) climbing gym in the whole state of Utah has a late night climb every month. 10-2, $5, climb all you want. Well, kind of all you want. To call it a madhouse would be a huge understatement. There were SO MANY PEOPLE THERE! I wish I had taken my camera. Oh well. Maybe in February. ;) It was seriously so crazy. People were standing in lines four or five deep to wait for a rope. Any rope! It was fun though. I went with Brett, who I haven't seen since last summer, and even though I still cannot put that kid in a box, it was a blast. I miss climbing. I haven't been since November eighth, with Jacob. ~unidentifiable 'mer' face~ Although right now I have skiing to distract me, I still miss climbing. I really need to get started working out for climbing season. My arms are so weak. I can't even really pretend to be Sharma anymore. :(
On another note, I hate my printer. That is all.

But I love Saturdays. I love homemade applesauce and ~drumroll please~ tonight Brandon and I are going to attempt to make homemade MARSHMALLOWS!!!! I know, I know, crazy. But I'm really excited. Next weekend it homemade fig newtons. :) Yum.

Oh yeah, and I kinda got a job. More on that later.

Meeting.

So I was chatting with my friend Kevin on Facebook chat today, and I was remembering how we met, and then I started thinking about all the interesting/funny/random ways I've met people. Here are some of the best.
Kevin Graham - saw some pictures that I took of a mutual friend, wrote me a message telling me how impressed he was by my 'skills' and we started talking. For a while we talked on the phone every night, it was so entertaining. He has the greatest laugh on the planet.
Johnathan Lyman - met my best girl friend Sara through Facebook and I friended him to make sure he wasn't a bad kid. We ended up being better friends than him and Sara. :)
Brandon Mortensen - waiting in line at ridiculously early hour of the morning for a parking pass at our apartment complex. I knew his brother from my freshman ward and we started talking because hey, what else is there to do standing around in line?
Brett Bingham - lived in one of my best friends' apartment complexes, thought I was hot, and somehow we randomly became friends. I don't really remember all of the details.
Trent Hunsaker - was friends with this super hot guy who I flirted with at work the summer after my senior year. (That was random too.) I don't talk to the super hot guy anymore, but I absolutely adore Trent.
Caden Bloxham - has a really awesome laugh, that I remembered when he ended up in my seminary class. Somehow we became Facebook friends, started emailing, and now we're super tight.
Erik Buss - met me at work at Aspen Grove. He later added me as a friend. He's a funny kid. And he still owes me ice cream.
Matt Berghout - ran track for Ogden High. When I saw him for the first time at Region, I thought he was quite literally the hottest thing I had ever seen in my entire life. So I had my friends go ask for his number, even though I didn't think they'd really do it. But they did, and we started texting, and he is still to this day the hottest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Especially up close. Wow.
Emily Hales - had a friend waiting in line for the BYU basketball home opener sitting next to me. We hit it off and became friends, and ended up sitting together at the game. It was great.
Cory McLeod - was a close second to the hottest thing I'd ever seen. He was standing behind me at a football game and I thought he was gorgeous. I flirted my guts out with him and ended up getting his number, but he turned out to be a dud. That was lame.
Salena Sykes - was my pen pal in 6th grade! Woot woot!
The list goes on, I'm sure.... but I can't remember. LOL. Great times.

Flying.

First class, actually. My brother is a silver medallion member and they gave him a free upgrade to first class. Since he couldn't bear to leave his dear wifey, I got to have it. I guess you could say there are perks to being the only single member of my family, but I wouldn't particularly categorize this as the most incredible experience of my life. To be honest, the only noticeable difference won't even happen until I get food. (Philly cheesesteak, it had better be as delicious as it sounds.) But overall, first class is meh. As far as I can tell. The kid (okay, he's 22) in front of me reclined his seat and let's just say that having my laptop seriously in my lap as opposed to my thighs is a little uncomfortable. For typing purposes, anyway. My arms are long. Well everything on me is long. Arms, legs, hair, attitude... ;) Haha, sorry, couldn't resist.
So last night Brandon and I had this intense discussion about hunting. He hunts (bleck) and I hate it. I understand his viewpoint, and I appreciate that he does it 'right' (he has respect for the animals and uses everything he can) but that doesn't change my opinion that it's creepy. And I kind of realized that to me, animals and humans aren't really any different. Sure, animals can't open their mouths and speak in a language that we understand, but they still communicate with us. Some people are too dense to understand what they're saying. But having spent so much time around horses, I will go to my grave swearing that animals can talk. They have personalities, completely undeniably. Showtime is a straight up dorky teenager. Bella (from what I can tell) is the sweet, loving, motherly type. Tessa was the arthritic crazy old cat lady. Smokey was the cocky little cowboy who occasionally enjoyed dressing up in a tux and playing show pony. Charra was the ever thoughtful and helpful best friend type. Cosette was a gorgeous little diva. Ace was the middle-aged guy stuck in a job he doesn't really like, but he can't see a way out so he finds a way to enjoy life. Anyway, where I'm going with this is that it isn't just horses. Animals have personalities. So to me, hunting is pretty much like murder. Granted, it's not, and I understand that it isn't and that it's necessary to help population control, but that's how I feel about it. Now I'm not one of those crazy animal rights activists who is going to protest hunting or become a vegetarian to 'save the animals' (I mean, come on, my best friend is a hunter). I just am not a huge fan. Brandon is so good about it. He's really just good to me in general. Probably why he's my best friend. ;)
Okay, I need to express some intense irritation. My ; key is broken. And it's driving me insane. Irritation expressed.
Back to the subject of flying. There is a ridiculous amount of turbulence today. It's just cloudy cloudy cloudy. And man alive, I am really wanting that philly cheesesteak right about now. :( Oh well. I'll just have to satisfy myself with my smoothie (I opted for mango as opposed to pond scum) for now.
I'm pretty bored, can you tell?

Blame!!

I completely bombed posting yesterday, I can't believe it.
Okay, actually, I can. After Biology my bff Brandon came over for like.... eight hours. lol it was great. Usually we walk home together and he drops me off at my apartment and then goes home. (We live in the same complex.) But yesterday (Wednesday) I invited him to come over and hang out, which is not uncommon. But he came over and he ended up staying until midnight. We watched a movie, and Glee, and Psych, and played football with my roommates... Yeah. Good times. He's a great friend. For real.
Anyway, that's why I didn't post. My bad. I blame him entirely.