Valentine.

Here it goes, my ramble.

I think Valentine's Day is the STUPIDEST holiday ever. Like, seriously? We need a specific day to show people we care? It's essentially just a giant excuse for the ignorant men of the world to snatch that last tiny scrap of romance and make their equally ignorant (or sometimes not-so-ignorant and not-so-impressed) wives think that they are still the wonderfully charming men they married.

PUH-LEASE.

Like, seriously? Chocolates and roses on a day where EVERY GREETING CARD COMPANY IN THE WORLD is drilling into your head that if you don't buy her chocolates and roses you will be eternally scorned? Yeah, right! If my future husband gives me chocolates and roses on Valentine's Day, he's spending the night on the couch for lack of originality. Seriously. Valentine's Day spawns an enormous lack of creativity and thoughtfulness in the male gender. Oh and don't even get me started on jewelry. So, you spent 500 bucks on a necklace that I'll probably only wear once to make you feel good when you KNOW I need a new saddle? Gee, thanks babe.

Perhaps it's because I am just so not a romanticist, but I think that the hearts and the roses and the candles and everything else are completely gag-able. If you want to be ROMANTIC, do something out of the ordinary, not only from your own perspective, but from the perspective of commercial America. I'm not even going to tell you what that is, because if I do, it won't be your idea. But here's a hint: Do something out of character. I'm not saying go buy me that new saddle, although that would admittedly be a million times romantic to me than a necklace. More than a million. A bajizillion. Yeah, I can't even count how many zeros that is. I'm saying do something that will make me think 'Oh my goodness, where did I find this absurdly perfect man?!' Another hint: buying me chocolate/roses/jewelry will NOT make me think you are perfect. Or anything close to that. It will probably be a thought more along the lines of 'Ugh, seriously? I thought I married someone different from the cattle-like mass of men buying stupid greeting cards and roses.' Sorry, but it's the truth.

And if you feel you really MUST give me chocolates and roses, do it on September 14th. But I would recommend steering clear of Jared. Or the letter K. Always.