Argument.

Hmm... Mr. Bakey's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory.

I have a problem.

I have a temper. And an ego. And these two, mixed, are generally not a good combination. Particularly when one is in a relationship with someone who starts arguments when he's in a bad mood.

This temper + ego has often led me to be thought of as extremely argumentative. I am right, dammit, and I am not giving up until you realize this fact! (*cough* brachiosaurus *cough* Hound of the Baskervilles *cough*) Fortunately for me, I am often right. No, I'm serious, I'm usually right. I tend to be less argumentative when opinions are involved, but when there are facts? Unless you can prove to me that I am wrong, I am right.

Unfortunately for me, however, my argumentative tendencies cause members of the male gender to throw in the towel once they've "seen the real me." Okay, I'll admit it, I usually try to rein myself in at the beginning of a relationship, but once we start getting more comfortable around each other and start letting our guards down, arguments tend to crop up. And again, I'll admit, I usually start them. When things bother me, I let people know. People who sweep their problems under the rug or hide them until they explode have never seemed wise to me. To each his own, I suppose, but being the blunt, open, and forward person that I am, up-front honesty has been my primary course of action. "What you just did/are doing bothers me. Do you enjoy bothering me? What is your explanation for bothering me?"

Unfortunately again, when you pair someone with low self esteem (me) with someone who generally does not broadcast his feelings all over the place (Chris), you usually end up with SWLSE feeling like SWGDNBHFAOTP doesn't love her because he doesn't say it/show it/express it very often, particularly in public places. Especially when SWLSE is not afraid of verbal pda. Okay, those acronyms are getting confusing, so I'll just say me. And Chris. Anyway, long story short, I usually end up feeling unloved, and expressing this feeling with frustration.

Generally, however, I would not refer to these (or the few situations in which I have been right and Chris has been wrong and I have been adamant and he has been put in his place) as arguments. I would say we have perhaps had two legitimate arguments, one of which was pretty much completely one-sided (yep, me) and both of which have ended with Chris getting all quiet and me being irritated beyond what I can describe, because once I start to argue, I want to argue, dang it, so argue back, dangit. This quietness, combined with the occasional, "I just don't want to fight, okay?" generally make me feel like the Wicked Witch of the West, which definitely does not help. (Especially because, throughout my life, 9 times out of ten I have been the grovel-er, and would maybe like to be the grovel-ee once in a while...)

Apparently though, Chris thinks that we have, and I quote, "entered into a few arguments/fights recently, some over dumb things and some over important things." Um... I'm not sure what exactly the important arguments were, and I would not say 'a few.' 'A few' is more than three. So, um... care to enlighten me, dear?

Although his claim that "entering into an argument marks that moment where I feel truly secure in a relationship of any kind" is likely meant to reassure me, it just makes me grit my teeth, for a few reasons. One being that I don't particularly feel like arguments are a part of a relationship that need to be shared with the general public (yeah, I realize I'm doing it right now, but he started it-so mature of me, I know) and two being that I certainly don't feel reassured if he thinks we've had "a few" arguments. We'll probably even end up arguing about this entire blog thing. Yay.

I think what bothers me the most is that he can't be bothered to post positive things (besides saying that we've been spending a lot of time together) about me, but posting negative things is apparently perfectly acceptable. That REALLY makes me feel loved.

Sigh. I know I should just chill out sometimes. But is it really too much to ask that I NOT be the only one in the relationship who likes to gush about my significant other? Or even, you know, act like I like my significant other?