Unfortunate.

Welp. Just found out that I can't go on the RMYL Study Abroad this summer because I'm on academic probation. Sigh. Guess that just means I'll have to wait...

I guess there are pros and cons to this. One pro is that I can do my EMT certification with my still-valid CPR certification. Another pro is that I can make more money (and spend less of if too!). Another pro is that I can play with my cute boyfriend more. Another pro is that we could actually take that trip to DC/Virginia! Lots of pros.

The primary con is this. This might be my last summer as a young single adult. That is all I'm going to say.

Spewage.

Okay y'all, I realize that I have been failing dismally at my New Year's resolution to blog every day. Whups. But hey, in my defense, I have been spending 99% of my time at work, school, or with Chris. So. Yeah. Oh wait, gotta put IQA West in there. LOL.

So, a few blog-worthy things have happened, which each honestly deserve their own post, but, whatever. Here we go.

1. My beloved car is broken. STILL. I took it to the shop a week ago to get the 4WD looked at, and there were a bunch of things wrong. Crack in the radiator, some plug had fallen out and coolant was leaking into my engine, yada yada yada. So, got that all fixed (for almost 2500 bucks, my dad was a little less than thrilled) and picked it up last night at about 5 ish. Thrilled to death to have my baby back. Driving to work (with three of my coworkers), just as we are about to drive into the canyon, something happens, there is a huge grinding/cranking sound, and something definitely goes wrong. Engine smoking and everything. Wahoo. So I call Steve's (bless his heart, the man is a freaking SAINT) and he sends out a tow, we call Sundance and one of the yurt people comes and gets us. I wait on the diagnosis all day, and finally get the call as I am about to get off the lift for my last run of the day. And what do I hear? My front differential is shattered. SHATTERED. You might as well have told me that one of my best friends got in a bad car accident for the effect it had on me. My dad will definitely not be thrilled about this, even though it's totally not my fault. These things do happen. It's repairable (thank Talos) but it will be expensive. Sigh. I'm just praying that my dad continues to be merciful. If I have to, I will bust out some of my new student loan money and pay it, but I'd really rather not do that. Anyway, I also called Chris practically in tears (at what was essentially one in the morning for him, speaking of saints) and he ended up coming down to pick me up after work. Anyone could've taken me home, but Chris knows how much I love that car and knew that I wanted comfort. So he did it. Seriously, how on earth did I get so freaking lucky? I will never figure it out. Anyway. Yeah. Hopefully that all will get taken care of by the end of the week. I'll keep you posted.

2. As I briefly mentioned above, I accepted my student loan. My mother cautioned me to think long and hard about this, well, honestly, she told me not to do it. But guess what? I am a big girl, and I am not making enough money to pay tuition by March. Plain and simple. Plus, with New Zealand on the horizon, I am willing to take out a loan that I can certainly repay soon enough that interest won't make a big deal. I'm not stressed about it. I will make more money on patrol, plus working as an EMT in LA (or... wherever... but we're hoping LA...) will probably make me bank. We'll see.

3. Ohhhhh this is the good one. The one that definitely deserves its own blog post. But I'm keeping it on here. So on Friday, no, Saturday, I get this text from this 801 number I don't know that was like, "Hey Jen, how's it goin?" and then when I said good and asked who it was, he said, "It's Matt. So are ya still single?" Bahahahahahaha. (What he actually said was funnier, this is why I need a smartphone.) Anyway, I asked Matt who, and he said, "Strong," and then proceeded to act all offended that I didn't remember him. LOLz. Eventually, I managed to drag out of him where I had met him (and I mean drag, so mature...) and I honestly have NO CLUE WHO THIS KID IS. Whatever. He said he remembered my long legs and dark hair... so definitely me. :/ Whoops. I can only imagine that I gave him my number because we had a class together and I thought he was cute, but he never used it. Until now. When he just broke up with his girlfriend and "was looking through my phone and saw your number and thought I'd see how you're doing." WOW, CAN YOU SAY BOOTY CALL?! Kill me. Chris and I had a great laugh about it. Especially when Matt pulled out the "old flame" line... Bahahahaha, old flame, right. I can't even picture your face, we are not old flames. Roll my eyes. I kinda wanna hang out with him though, to see if seeing his face would jog my memory. Don't suggest Facebook stalking, totally already tried that. Haha. So entertaining.

4. Quidditch drama. Rolls eyes again. I don't even want to tell the whole story. But some people are silly.

5. SO EXCITED FOR SNOW CUP. And the Snow Ball with ma hot boyfrennnnn.

Last but not least...
6. IT FINALLY FREAKING SNOWED. A LOT. I SO HAPPY. <3

Tangible.

Um, so, Chris decided to delete his blog. It's okay. It has served its primary purpose. One thing I will say, that is probably why I like it so much, is that the blog is tangible. When I'm all alone and Chris is at work and I miss him like crazy, I can pull up a favorite blog post, read it, and feel all warm and fuzzy inside again. Words are super effective like that for me.

Anyway. Today at work was boring, as usual. I spent probably an hour on this poor unloved snowboard (seriously, its edges were essentially pure rust) and it still didn't look as good as it deserves, but it's about as good as it's gonna get.

I love IQA West. Most 'specially SupaKev.

Words.

Okay guys, this is pretty much a follow-up post. But. Whatever.

I know I need to chill. I do realize this. Thankfully, I have SupaKev to put things back into perspective. And, ya know, Tripp. (Tripp, today was one of those times when I wished that we communicated over more than just the occasional blog posts. You seem to understand Chris better than I do.)

Anyway, Five Love Languages.

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-That-Lasts/dp/0802473156/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1326868652&sr=1-1

Brief overview, there are five languages of love. Each person speaks one more 'fluently' than another, so to speak. (Oh punny.) We all speak them all. They are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Gift Giving. We each 'speak' and 'receive' a specific language- usually they are the same, but sometimes they're not.

As Tripp pointed out, Chris is one of those Quality Time people. I am one of those Words of Affirmation people. Well, okay, I might actually be a Physical Touch person, but that particular love language has been spoken enough that I'm moving on to my 'secondary' language. Either way, words are huge for me. I frequently tell my friends and the people I care about that I love them, and I like to hear it. A lot. To be honest, one of the underlying causes of my self esteem issues is the fact that my parents are not 'words' people. My parents express their love for me by acts of service, and gift giving. To me they're telling me over and over in, say, Finnish, that they love me, but I don't speak Finnish all that well. I speak Gaelic (words of affirmation) really well though, and a lot of the times my parents 'spoke Gaelic' to me, it was degrading. Now, imagine how that makes me feel. In their minds they are telling me VERY LOUDLY how much they love me, and occasionally very quietly the things they don't love. But because I really only understand the language in which they're telling me they don't love me, that's all I'm getting. Yeah. Not good. (This is actually one of the reasons I think I'm primarily physical touch. My parents are the least touchy people in the universe. Or close to it. And I don't legitimately feel like they love me. I know they do. But I don't feel it.)

Anyway, to me, Chris is pretty much shouting at me in oh, Swahili, that he loves me. I speak Swahili, in fact that's probably how I express myself the most (particularly in this relationship- "I miss you like crazy, I'll be there in 45 minutes" at 10 pm much?) but it's not my native language, so it feels a little foreign to me. Remember, I speak Gaelic. Don't get me wrong, it's not like he doesn't tell me he loves me. (He does, a lot. I like it, a lot.) But when he speaks negatively... that's a lot more detrimental for me. For example, "Do whatever you want." To Chris, this means, "I'm trying to be a hands-off boyfriend and let you make your own decisions." But to me, the native Gaelic speaker, it essentially says, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

Can you understand how a bit of negativity can be extremely detrimental to me? And how guys, who generally don't speak Gaelic, tend to cut and run?

Me, the one who spends all of my time gushing about Chris all over my blog (in Gaelic), the one who fell in love with a boy after reading his blog (let's be honest, I really did), the one who writes letters (and, unfortunately, blog posts) when she's upset because that's how she expresses herself best... reads the blog, sees a few shall we say "Honorable Mentions (in Gaelic)" and then an entire paragraph about arguing... You might as well have slapped me in the face.

I know, I need to chill.

As SupaKev pointed out, for someone who doesn't speak Gaelic as his native language, Chris does a pretty good amount of 'gushing.' It's just hidden, because it's not in my dialect of Gaelic. (Yeah, I went there! You have to remember that freshman year I was a linguistics major.)

Anyway, I'll wrap this up with a moment of direct-to-Chris. I'm sorry. I get frustrated. Words are a big deal. I stress about them. I tell you I love you all the time because I just can't express it enough. Just... maybe try to speak a teeny bit more Gaelic on the blog? Just a teeny bit? Also... please try to remember what "Do whatever you want" means to me.

I love you.

Argument.

Hmm... Mr. Bakey's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory.

I have a problem.

I have a temper. And an ego. And these two, mixed, are generally not a good combination. Particularly when one is in a relationship with someone who starts arguments when he's in a bad mood.

This temper + ego has often led me to be thought of as extremely argumentative. I am right, dammit, and I am not giving up until you realize this fact! (*cough* brachiosaurus *cough* Hound of the Baskervilles *cough*) Fortunately for me, I am often right. No, I'm serious, I'm usually right. I tend to be less argumentative when opinions are involved, but when there are facts? Unless you can prove to me that I am wrong, I am right.

Unfortunately for me, however, my argumentative tendencies cause members of the male gender to throw in the towel once they've "seen the real me." Okay, I'll admit it, I usually try to rein myself in at the beginning of a relationship, but once we start getting more comfortable around each other and start letting our guards down, arguments tend to crop up. And again, I'll admit, I usually start them. When things bother me, I let people know. People who sweep their problems under the rug or hide them until they explode have never seemed wise to me. To each his own, I suppose, but being the blunt, open, and forward person that I am, up-front honesty has been my primary course of action. "What you just did/are doing bothers me. Do you enjoy bothering me? What is your explanation for bothering me?"

Unfortunately again, when you pair someone with low self esteem (me) with someone who generally does not broadcast his feelings all over the place (Chris), you usually end up with SWLSE feeling like SWGDNBHFAOTP doesn't love her because he doesn't say it/show it/express it very often, particularly in public places. Especially when SWLSE is not afraid of verbal pda. Okay, those acronyms are getting confusing, so I'll just say me. And Chris. Anyway, long story short, I usually end up feeling unloved, and expressing this feeling with frustration.

Generally, however, I would not refer to these (or the few situations in which I have been right and Chris has been wrong and I have been adamant and he has been put in his place) as arguments. I would say we have perhaps had two legitimate arguments, one of which was pretty much completely one-sided (yep, me) and both of which have ended with Chris getting all quiet and me being irritated beyond what I can describe, because once I start to argue, I want to argue, dang it, so argue back, dangit. This quietness, combined with the occasional, "I just don't want to fight, okay?" generally make me feel like the Wicked Witch of the West, which definitely does not help. (Especially because, throughout my life, 9 times out of ten I have been the grovel-er, and would maybe like to be the grovel-ee once in a while...)

Apparently though, Chris thinks that we have, and I quote, "entered into a few arguments/fights recently, some over dumb things and some over important things." Um... I'm not sure what exactly the important arguments were, and I would not say 'a few.' 'A few' is more than three. So, um... care to enlighten me, dear?

Although his claim that "entering into an argument marks that moment where I feel truly secure in a relationship of any kind" is likely meant to reassure me, it just makes me grit my teeth, for a few reasons. One being that I don't particularly feel like arguments are a part of a relationship that need to be shared with the general public (yeah, I realize I'm doing it right now, but he started it-so mature of me, I know) and two being that I certainly don't feel reassured if he thinks we've had "a few" arguments. We'll probably even end up arguing about this entire blog thing. Yay.

I think what bothers me the most is that he can't be bothered to post positive things (besides saying that we've been spending a lot of time together) about me, but posting negative things is apparently perfectly acceptable. That REALLY makes me feel loved.

Sigh. I know I should just chill out sometimes. But is it really too much to ask that I NOT be the only one in the relationship who likes to gush about my significant other? Or even, you know, act like I like my significant other?

Shiver.

Okay, I am utterly freezing. We got done with Quidditch practice a little over an hour ago (Quidditch practice, yeah right, we did not practice) and I am still shivering violently. Ugh. To top things off, I'm pretty sure I have swimmer's ear, and my right ear is killing me. Oh my life.

So, I realize that this is my first post in 11 days. I am starting to take a post out of WoaSM's blog... Just kidding. I have just been absurdly busy with school, work, and Chris; and there really isn't anything going on in my life worth talking about. I'm always tired, I'm almost always cold, and I always have a giant heap of things to do that just aren't getting done.

Oh, and those nights when I'm not working and Chris is (and thus, we aren't spending time together)? I'm usually video chatting with my friends from IQA West. Yeah, that's how we Quidditch players roll.

On the subject of Quidditch, we finalized our Snow Cup roster and we have SIXTEEN people coming! Yeah! Needless to say, I am stoked. Although I am a) nervous because it will be cold and I'm a baby about the cold, and b) nervous about Keeping against Chris, and c) scared that I will suck at Quidditch and my whole team will think I'm a fool.

Anyway, I'm technically supposed to be working... but I'm freezing and my ear really hurts (I'm pretty sure I have swimmer's ear). So, I think I'm going to go try and get warm. Slash, not be a slacker.

Last thing! It snowed today! At least in Salt Lake. Yay snow. :)

Click.

Okay, so, sometimes when a few of us at Sundance don't get lessons, we go and do skiing clinics. And today we clinicked (I don't know if that's a word, but it is now) with Owen, and I have to tell you right now, he is officially my new favorite person to clinic with. He makes you (well, me) feel like a CHAMP. Seriously. Today he said to me, "I love watching you ski. You are such a powerful skier. It is beautiful." My jaw seriously dropped into my lap as I was grinning and blubbering thanks. But seriously, for someone as good as he is to tell me that HE loves watching ME ski?! That blows my mind/makes me feel like a million bucks. I can honestly say I have never received a better compliment in my entire life.

But, during the clinic, there was this moment of "OH! THAT'S what that's supposed to feel like!" It was so awesome. I felt my skiing improve in just a matter of hours. Seriously. It was so freaking cool.

Anyway, that's pretty much all I have to say. But. Work is good. Even when I'm not getting paid.

I'm trying to get Chris to come skiing with me this weekend, so that if he ever ends up coming and taking a lesson from me, I'll have an idea of what to work on. We'll see. :)

2012.

Okay, so, I know I'm a little late, but in my defense, my roommate took our router when she moved out and the one I ordered won't be here until Wednesday. So. Yeah.

2011 Highlights
-working at the barn
-Aspen Grove round 2!
-Outdoors Unlimited
-Sundance
-joining the Quidditch team
-Skyrim
-the many, many wonderful people I met (and blogged about lol)

But, of course, #1 best thing of 2011, was Chris. (D'awwwwwww.)

2012 Resolutions
1. Play lots, and lots, and LOTS of Quidditch.
2. Get a B average Winter semester.
3. EMT certify.
4. Study Abroad Summer term - NZ, Australia, and Fiji.
5. Travel.
6. Be an awesome girlfriend, and keep Chris around. (Moment of cheese/ridiculousness: keep Chris around long enough that he'll ask me to marry him... IT'S A POSSIBILITY, OKAY?)
7. Live in the now.

And, 8. TRY to keep blogging every day. Although, you may have noticed, since I started dating Chris, the blog posts have gotten fewer and farther between.

New Year's? Ummmmm yeah, Chris and I were watching football/Firefly/things to keep us awake... and totally ended up falling asleep and sleeping through the whole New Year thing. Whoops...

My 'REAL' present from Chris came, and it is SO FREAKING COOL. It's a leather-bound copy of The Hobbit with ORIGINAL TOLKIEN ILLUSTRATIONS. Um, yeah, does not get any cooler than that. I'm so excited. It is so great to me that Chris and I both have the same dream to have a library filled with really fantastic books, most particularly leather-bound, quality stuff. Although honestly my greatest dream is to have first-edition copies of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, that will probably never happen, so I am perfectly content with this copy. It's so cool. I don't think I acted as excited as I should have, but it wasn't exactly what I was expecting. What's funny is that when I was trying to figure it out, and I knew he'd gone to the Gateway, the first store I asked about was Barnes & Noble (he lied and said he didn't go there). Yeah, we're the same person.

I'm fairly certain that I haven't gone for more than 24 hours without seeing Chris this whole break, but when school starts that's going to change, and I'm not going to lie, it's going to be incredibly hard. I do NOT like spending time away from him. Call me cheesy or whatever, but I honestly want to be with him all the time. Yeah, remember that stuff I said about liking my me time? Buncha bull. Give me Chris, 24/7 please.

Anyway, I should probably get ready for bed, since I have work in the morning. Sigh.

Oh! And! Since I promised, here is a picture of my cleats. :)

Yeehaw, we're going retro! Did I tell you that? Yeah, it's awesome.